archive for

# back    03'04'25 09:10    link

Wow. That was a whirlwind of an experience. More about the Intensive later.

I stumbled across this: TV turnoff week. Without knowing, I've been participating! Two days left: but always a good idea.

# Read this. Really.    03'04'14 01:22

1. The single most hopeful thing

The single most hopeful thing that I have experienced in my life so far is to know somebody, personally, before and after she became enlightened.

Not that I know what that means, enlightenment. But I knew her before and after, and I can sense that what my mind cannot grasp - a quantum leap.

She still likes pranks. She still can care very passionately about people, about the world. And she still enjoys chocolate with her tea. There wasn't that much of a change, in a way.

Except that she now does everything totally. Fully. Completely.

I left the organisation she is in a couple of years ago, but whenever she'd hit town, I made sure to see her. It is a great inspiration: to know that it is possible to live life like that, in full, truly free - but unlike the other enlightened persons I have had the privilege to experience in person, I know that she made the change herself.

She was given the name Mazzarati by the master who helped her to do it - because she needed to go fast. I like it when this very serious stuff is taken with a sense of humour.

2. The Intensive

Two months ago, Mazzarati visited Amsterdam again, and of course I went. And I heard that she herself is nowadays leading the group that I have done twice in '98 and '99, The Intensive. A group very much worthy of that name. But those times, I had to fly to southern California, nine time zones away, and also for various other reasons it was a Big Deal. Worth it, but a lot of trouble to go through.

And now I heard that not only is the group happening on my continent, in my time zone, only one country away - but Mazzarati is leading it herself. A woman whom I probably trust more than anyone in my life. While keeping my bullshit detector on, of course, and that's helped by her dislike of reverence. All the better.

And as my life has been rough going recently, I thought, why shouldn't I give myself this present of six days of meditation, of focussing and going inside? What do I have to lose? I'll just do it and I'll see what comes of it.

3. Be careful what you wish for

I was afraid, too - in the good way. I've come to recognise my fear of change. I want change, the way I'm living my life right now is frustrating me in many ways, and I find it hard to break out of the chains of habit and comfort.

But be careful what you wish for, cause you might get it. The last few weeks, I've had so much on my plate.

For example. I met what could be one of the loves of your life, so rare and precious, and just due to the practical world being unfair, there is no chance of working that opening, that bond, that love, out in a relationship. But the love is still there. And I chose not to close myself, letting myself stay open and vulnerable - because if I would not allow myself to feel the pain, I would not feel the love either. So I had the wonderful gift of giving a lot of love, throwing all expectations overboard. And expectations I found many, and some of them were really hard to part with.

There were more things. Last sunday and today, I posed for a friend, a paintress that I made a nice deal with: we're exchanging portraits. There I am, sitting, looking straight at her, the only thing I need to do is to be myself, the way I want to expose myself - and I do not want to leave anything unexposed. That's such madness! Why hide? What have I got to lose? Whilst sitting there, letting myself be studied carefully, be investigated, it was like a vipasana meditation: "Who is in?" "Who is in?"...
(she's now showing me the painting until it's finished, by the way, so even there I have nothing to go on. Letting go, letting go...)

Lots happened.
All those events had in common that, as I was preparing for the Intensive (writing a lot of diary, asking myself the question: what is it I really want?), I had the courage to stay open, and feel, and let my heart break. It was a rough ride, but I held on faithfully. So far so good. I had expected that, more or less.

Until... I hit the spot where I could not take it anymore. Too much. It was becoming too much. I did not realise that there was so much pain, fuck! And I hit the brakes. Do I want this? Yes, I want change - but do I want to pay this price? Do I? Am I willing to let go this far? And for what?

4. You get what you need

Tomorrow morning - it's after midnight, actually today - I'm taking the train to Munich. I don't know what will happen there. Something important, I'm sure.

It might be something radical. It might be change. Well, that's the only thing I can be sure of. I don't know if I'll like it. Maybe it has already happened.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes... you just might find...

See you in a week.

with love,
Sakaama

 
official website for The Intensive

# A declaration for all life on earth    03'04'12 00:13    link

A Declaration for all life on earth
from the World Peace Prayer Society, an NGO with consultative status in the UN.
A preamble, general principles, and most importantly, a section on practice.
Read it. Feel it. Pass it on if you agree.

# Googlewash    03'04'11 21:37    link

More and more is coming out on Google's suspicious movements. Googlewash!

# Time to live it    03'04'09 13:18    link

I'm just quoting this entirely. ZachsMind on the still sometimes great 'filter.

>>
3000 some poems disguised as people
on an almost too perfect day

should be more than pawns
in some asshole's passion play

You want more songs.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed - we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.
I have a dream today!"


You want more words.

"War. Good God, y'all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'. Say it again!"

You want more music?

"Oh, deep in my heart I do believe that we shall overcome someday..."


Haven't there been enough?

"Then may he play on his harp in peace,
In a world such as Heaven has intended,
For all the bitterness of man must cease,
And every battle must be ended."

Gee whiz, I just don't see it. I don't hear it. The point has been made into the ground. People need to listen to what has already been sung. Then they need to live it. I think humanity's afraid to let go of violence. It's like Linus' security blanket.

<<

# The war for truth    03'04'08 15:46    link

>The War for truth (in The Mirror, of all places - what's up with all this realistic, 'un-patriotic' reporting in the UK press, both broads and tabloids?)

# love    03'04'03 12:59    link

Oh my, Joey's hooked up with a geek dream date. Great, Joey, enjoy it.

This weekend, I had my heart crushed as a steamroller flattened it thoroughly. It hurts. It was fucking excruciating. Still. Better to have loved and lost than not loved at all.
Update. didn't turn out well for Joey. "Saved by the blog". Whoa.

# The poetry of D.H.Rumsfeld    03'04'03 12:52    link

Yes, D.H. Rumsfeld the poet. From Slate:

A Confession
Once in a while,
I'm standing here, doing something.
And I think,
"What in the world am I doing here?"
It's a big surprise.