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# wales photos 02'03'27 22:45

# less blogging, more reality 02'03'27 01:30

Besides photography, I've spent a lot of time writing letters last week - both electronic and analog. And I have quite a few more waiting, slowly composing them on the backside of my mind and heart (yes). Again, a slow process, but well worth it. And at least a few of the various recipients thought so, too, methinks.
As a side-effect of this intense writing spur I realised that I haven't been able to give the writing here what I gave writing one-to-one's, and that that's at the root of the slumbering dislike of what I created here. I hoped blogging would be an incentive to keep a diary - that the exhibitionistic side of putting what I'd previously would've written purely for myself 'out there' would be a motivation. Which worked for a little while, until I found out that some people, who are very close to me in real life, were reading this.
Shouldn't have been much of a surprise, given what you get if you google my name. But it was to me, and I found out the hard way that if I let everything out in the open, it can hurt people that are dear to me if they don't see it for what it is: my personal view. On them.
Before I found out, I didn't use real names bot otherwise wrote about everything, no holds barred. Afterwards, the writing became less personal. And with that came the slumbering dislike. So I'll concentrate on one-to-one writing for a while now. And maybe I'll start another blog in a place that my friends won't stumble over.
Or I'll just put my diary back to the bedside, and leave my rumblings there.

This blog's not going to die. I think it'll get more interesting, even. And I'll buy a scanner, that's what I'll do. But for now, on behalf of all of us here on the program, good night.

# a portrait 02'03'27 01:10

Been taking lots of photographs again recently, developing films (and seriously screwed one up - well, it's all in the game), doing some darkroom work. Slow going, though. Tonight, while I should've done my taxes in the wee hour between coming home from band rehearsal and needing to go to bed, I've been looking at pictures, sorting, ordening, making mental lists of which ones need more time, larger prints, or need to get binned.
I've been surfing photoblogs recently and came across a few nice ones that combined the directness of digital cameras with a sense of wonder. Especially the '1 photo a day'-type of blogs: cause with all the freedom that a digital gives, setting yourself a limitation (one a day, not less, not more) seriously helps.
I'm pretty happy with the oldfashioned way I'm doing imagery now, all the time and effort required to see the result makes every roll of film, and every shot precious. So, I haven't got a digital camera. But damn, I haven't even got a scanner. Frustrating, cause there are a few I'd love to put up right now.
So rather than one from the small pile that's waiting on my desk to be taken to a scanner - here's a slighly older one, with a story attached to it. For my grandma's birthday, I wanted to make a portrait of her, or of her with grandpa, that was up to her. She thinks she never looks good on a photograph, you see. So I took them outside in gorgeous sunny winter afternoon weather, and we had fun, and ... well. I'm amazed, this one really works. And she's very happy with it, too. So, I proudly present: my first real portrait that I'm not unhappy with!

Can you image the time it took to give the grey hair a little depth? I had to expose that part three times as long as the main part... carefully avoiding the shaded side of especially my grandma's face... anyway. It looks ok on screen, but believe me it looks very nice on a large (24x30cm) print.

# local sights, 2 02'03'25 23:05

So why did I think of the Anne Frank house yesterday? Cause I passed it by, saw the huge queue, and thought 'I wonder if annefrank.blogspot.com has been registered yet...'
Turns out it hasn't. After this then this : "If Anne Frank had a blog, she would have had her diary, but in the appropriate places, she would have included hyperlinks to her favorite band and movie star crush, the town she lived in and current news" - yeah right. She was bloody hiding - could not leave a three room house for two years - would she have dialled up and fired up her blog applet, to reveal her IP address just so she could write?
It makes me fume. It even makes me use bold italic. I'm even surer it would be a nice spoof now, but idle comments like this proof that the Brand 'Anne Frank' has become an icon - and with that, lost some of the real value. Of course, it's a long time ago, but the foundation hasn't really helped either by marketing the diary and the house.
So a humorous take on Anne Frank's Blog, however meticulously played out (and I sure couldn't do that), would always be misunderstood.
So I'll leave it to someone who can be mega-politically-incorrect. Like Theo van Gogh - hey Theo, drop me a line if you want to use the forementioned blogspot domain, ok ?

# Anne Frank 02'03'25 01:16

I'm sure your town's got something that draws tourists that the locals shrug about. Strawberry fields? Wonder how many liverpudlians drive up there. As a parisien, the last thing you'd do for a day out is to climb up the eiffel tower, right? Well, here in Amsterdam, we have the Anne Frank House, and the same applies. I hadn't been there before I moved here (I guess most kids get to see it on a school trip, but my school sent us somewhere else) and once living here, you just don't think about it. Yes it's there. You see the long, long queue dwindling up the canal, then around the corner. You cycle by, laughing at the tourists waiting for hours to get an experience that has to be shared with so many others it cannot be the real thing anymore.
One day, a rainy, saturday evening, at quarter to seven, I walked by. And saw no queue. But I did see a cassiere. I asked her if they were still open - and they were, to my surprise. I was lucky - at the low point of the tourist season, at a time when people are thinking about dinner, I could visit the house almost on my own. Even the sacrosanct, the hiding place itself, was empty for a little while, giving me the chance to be there, to walk from wall to wall, and let it hit me what it'd be like to be confined there.
Afterwards, I had a coffee in the cafe, sitting quietly on my own, trying to let the feelings that had come up find a more permanent place in myself. So I would forget a little less quickly. And I remember clearly that, distributed evenly over the vast sea of empty tables in the cafe that was clearly built to deal with vast amounts of visitors, there were four or five other people doing exactly that. We were on our own, yet not.
(I also remember two loud families with tired, whining kids, but somehow, they aren't in the same memory as this image of the solitary coffee-drinkers scattered across the hall)

# Sebastiao Salgado 02'03'22 18:08 link

# Googletrouble 02'03'21 11:47 link

$cientology alert! The cult of scientology are at it again! And it's disturbing: this time they are threatening Google, on basis of the DMCA act and google caching's mechanism making it a host rather than a search engine. It's not clear what's happening exactly, but searching for 'scientology' used to link to Operation Clambake, an anti-site, on the first result page. Not surprising given that it is a well-informed site with a long-standing reputation, therefore linked to from many places. Yesterday, it sank to page nine, but you could still search for 'scientology bad' and xenu.net would still come up on the first page. Now it's gone.
This is important, for a number of reasons - please, get informed, and read these articles. This is about the scientology organisation doing everything they can come up with to silence counteropinions. And it is also about google, and therefore about the usablity of the whole internet. Really, this is very disturbing.
Articles and discussion: kuro5hin article and discussion, Metafilter discussion, xenu.net/news/.

PS this article in microcontent explains googlebombing, it's linked to from the articles above; well worth reading also... but I mention it specifically for the last line, which had me cracking up: all your search are belong to us. Somebody set up us the bomb!
Let the good 'ole memes roll.
The Scientology experiment. Reclaiming Google search relevancy metrics!

# it's real 02'03'20 00:05 link

Sometimes, in the middle of the web, a little gem shimmering, I come closer, and then: beauty, straight into the heart.

From Beckian Fritz Goldberg's "Being Pharoh"

Each time we fall out of love, we
say it wasn't really love at all, as if,
landing, a plane would say no, not
actual sky.
(via mightygirl)

# lol! 02'03'19 23:34 link

"Hey, do you think the EMP will kill my computer? How will I blog if it does?"

# new photographs 02'03'19 23:09 link

# carwash 02'03'18 15:33 link

The photos are nice - the sequence is great: photos inside a carwash.
(via milov)

# foreffah 02'03'18 15:28 link

"foreffah, minus one week. I lost a week of forever because I waited. "
(reading up on Meg's words. This is a nice one.)

# Carter! 02'03'18 15:12 link

Been searching a while for this - found it: Carter USM's official site.
Always wondered what happened to them. Turns out they split in '97, from the sound of it all in good spirit (I really like it that Jim Bob and Fruitbat were the only ones who knew that their last gig was in fact their last, and that they went out with a bang. Hell... when my old band Gadget split, we played our best gig ever. The way it goes.)
Nice. Especially that the site's maintained by Fruitbat.

# 02'03'18 12:18

I'm at home, having an allergy attack (most likely from exhausting myself the past fwe weekends) - in bed with my laptop, reading blogs. Lots of them. Having camomille tea, listen to the wind, and to the radio.
Interesting discussion over at kuro5hin on common sense & common decensy, in short, the way people treat eachother not as people. Discussion is quite whiny but there are some highlights. And this posting is so spot on:

it is human nature to take things for granted, and even the loftiest notions eventually come to be used in vain. And, I think that is the essence of the problem -- if we all just take a little time to think about what we say, things might improve.
For example, when you say "Good morning" to someone as you leave your home, mean it. Think about the words for a second -- if you're having a good morning, pass that feeling on. If the morning doesn't feel good... well, either don't say it, or say it with a sincere wish that their morning will go better than yours is.

I would call this lack of honesty, which I've come to realise means an awful lot to me. Be real. Be straight. And if you get treated unfair, don't bounce it back. Try to think before you act: will this action increase the total amount of love on this planet or decrease it? That's the one rule I am trying to live my life with.
(I'm not holy by any means. In fact I know a few people who live their life like that without making such a fuss about it, it just in their nature. That I have to remind myself all the time is precisely because I have trouble with it.)
To round it of - forget fake friendlines! Then, as a next step, don't take that as an excuse for being a rude bastard.

# 02'03'18 12:08

This quiz says absolutely nothing about your personality. Take it!

# above us only sky (revisited) 02'03'18 11:44 link

Seems that I was a little early - now it's official with Yoko unveiling a statue of John in the departure hall. And what a terrible statue to boot...

# Spring arrived! 02'03'16 17:24 link

AMSTERDAM, 16 march - (from our correspondent) It was long time coming yet nobody foresaw today's outbreak of spring. As faces filled with laughter, terraces filled with semi-goosepimpled dutch sunlovers in winter coats, and glasses filled with white beer and ditto wine, a splendid time was guaranteed for all.
(heading back for the terrace now)

# Listen... do you wanna know a secret... 02'03'14 16:58

Now this is news to share! As far as I'm allowed.
A certain celebrity popstar came across an old cd of a friend of mine, a record that came out nine years ago and never sold much. He was so taken by it that my friend then received a phonecall from the celeb's secretary if he could play a gig at a party.
It's like a military operation... a celebrity that I cannot name, yes i've been told who - so very exciting! I would be very, very honored if a musician of his statue would like my music so much he'd call me. A gig at a party somewhere this summer, at an undisclosed location for an undisclosed reason.
I don't even know if i can give my friend's name... It's such deserved recognition. It's his best record, the one that sold least, the one this celeb heard.

# imagine that 02'03'12 14:00 link

Had a lovely long weekend in north wales, more about that later, perhaps. Flew in at liverpool, to discover that humble Liverpool airport is now called Liverpool John Lennon Airport: "above us only sky", Apparently the city of liverpool did this to honor their former citizen. More to do with publicity, methinks. No hell below us.
What would he would have thought of it himself? Imagine 24 hr secure parking. The sentence 'above us only sky' written almost everywhere. And a departure lounge which continuously plays pre-66 Beatles songs.
He might have thought it very funny, in a 'and the rest just rattle your jewelry'-way. Shame we can't ask him anymore. Hm, wonder what Yoko thinks.

# gedicht 02'03'07 09:38

een azuren muur leunt in de lucht
tegen de storm. de hemel in tweeën.
vogels verschieten van kleur

een blauw. een groen. een rood. moment.

dan zijn we er voorbij - zijn we weer wij:
weer in de lege trein vol mensen
in grauwe kleren voor kantoor

(4.3.02, vlak voor utrecht)

# a protest 02'03'06 20:59 link

Received a mail calling for direct action. Looked like a petition at first, the kind i'm always very portial about - but on second look, it has both its heart and thoughts in the right place. and i like this opening line:

They say that satire died when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, but if a Right-wing Norwegian MP has his way, the Nobel committee will be spitting on its grave.

it's a call to protest the nomination of Bush and Blair for the Nobel Peace Prize. which i instinctively think would be a very bad idea, precisely for the Henry Kissinger line. yet there is something about the peace prize that is not to be forgotten: it is not there to just praise the people who were peacefully all along, like the mandela's of this world (and i use plural because there are more of them. not many, but more than a few). but also for the people who, maybe after a life spent in dirty politics, took the risk to reach out - which can require huge courage.
that, oh irony, is how arafat got his prize. and it is a shame that things have turned out the way they have now, in which he played a major role, though it wasn't just him. and there are calls to revoke the prize. but that's not the point. the prize was for his courage at the time, to negotiate with his 'enemny', risking the wrath of his allies, and even his people.

So - do B & B have this courage? i don't think so. the very least, it's too early to tell. their virtue is that they haven't nuked afghanistan - it could have been nixon in the office. in other words, a little constraint. more than at least i feared. but no way of putting their lives in the line.
in my eyes, that does not warrant a nobel prize.
but whether it warrants a protest to the committee - i'm not sure about that, either.