Update on grandpa

Well I phoned my grandma and my grandpa and my mom.

My grandma was so devestated. She tried to be strong but I could tell that she just wanted to hang up and cry. She said that she was tired of crying but that she couldn't change anything. I wish I could be there for her.

My mom was very strange. Usually she let's things out, but she was very silent on the phone. She's trying to be strong just like my dad, but then again I also don't cry when I talk to them, or tell them about how much it hurts me to see everyone is so much pain. I wish I could be there for my mom, though. I mean it's her daddy. I can't even imagine how she must feel.

My grandpa sounded very weak on the phone but he was very happy that I called. I talked to him for about 5 minutes and you could tell that is was very very exhausting for him. Also I think he was upset that I called. Not in a bad way but more in a ... I don't really know. I told him that I'll expect to have a job soon and that life is going great for me & Angel and he was happy about that as well. He was also glad that our family sticks so much together in times like these. Everyone calls my grandma to let her know that we're there and stuff and eventhough my grandpa does not want people to call him, he didn't really mean that. It's like when he said he didn't want a birthday gift but then he got so many, and he was so happy!

Anyways, he's being released to go home and spent his last days in his familiar surroundings. Their GP will take care of painkillers and stuff. My Grandpa still wants to sort things out at home. Financial stuff etc, caus he always did those things. He does not want my grandma to be left with all those files to go through. He also said that this is life and that we "youngsters" live on but them "oldsters" will eventually leave. I didn't really know what to say. He was trying to still be funny to make sure I wouldn't worry so much. That's so him.

My grandpa used to always sing me this song about elephants. I've had it in my head all day today. Since I cannot sing it to him because that would just be to weird, I'll post the lyrics here. Warning, it's in German.

Was muessen das fuer Baeume sein


Was muessen das fuer Baeume sein
Wo die grossen Elefanten spazieren geh'n ohne sich zu stossen.
Links sind Baeume Rechts sind Baeume, in der Mitte Zwischenraeume
Wo die grossen Elefanten spazieren geh'n ohne sich zu stossen.

Was muessen das fuer Fluesse sein,
wo die kleinen Elefanten baden gehen ohne Badehosen.
Links sind Fluesse, rechts sind Fluesse, in der Mitte Schokoschaumkuesse
wo die kleinen Elefanten baden gehen, ohne Badehosen.


Was muessen das fuer Baeume sein
wo die grossen Elefanten spazieren gehn, ohne sich zu stossen.
Links sind Linden, rechts sind Linden, in der Mitte Kinderwindeln
wo die grossen Elefanten spazieren gehen, ohne sich zu stossen.


Was muessen das fuer Baeume sein
wo die grossen Elefanten spazieren gehn, ohne sich zu stossen.
links sind Haeuser, rechts sind Haeuser, in der Mitte viele Laeuse
wo die grossen Elefanten spazieren gehen, ohne sich zu stossen.

I only really remembered the first verse, so I looked the rest up on the internet, but I know he also sang about "Badehosen".

I will call again on monday. Let's hope he's still there then, so that my grandma can put me on speaker phone. Even if he is too weak to talk he can at least listen to what I'm saying to them. I feel so sad for my grandma because she'll be there till the end. On the one hand it's good because then neither of them is alone, but on the other hand it must be such a burden to see the partner of your live wither away like that. I mean it's the liver, so his whole body is slowly filling up with poison and he becomes weaker and weaker. It's so horrible because in his mind he's still so alive. I don't believe in heaven and the bible and god etc, but I know that at one point when his pain is too much, when he then leaves, he'll be in a better place, even if that place does not exist. At one point, even nothing is better than pain.

In my thoughts I'm with everyone in my family. I'm sad that I'm so far away but I have my Angel here for me. We take care of each other so that's good.

I love you, Angel.