Once upon a far away our intergalactic-superhero-from-outer-space Rex Synchro was flying his spacelab around the rural areas of a distant galaxy. He had rinsed and combed his hair five times that day and his hands smelled of raspberry. He was perfectly happy. And then, just as he was chasing Balthasar the cat away from the cyberfridge he heard a grinding noise coming from one of the gravitationcondensers. Synchro, who still had shaving-foam in his ears and who knew nothing about modern technology was completely baffeled (¿ HUH ?). He looked out of one of the really cute portholes of his spacelab and saw that live chickens were thumping against the armour of the craft. Rex was flabbergasted by the sight of such useless cruelty to animals. He kicked Balthasar off the sofa, sat down and lit five cigarettes.

Then he remenbered that he was a superhero and that superheroes usually do something when there is wrong in the universe. So, het got up and put on his burgundy-yellow cape ( wich had been washed in pure dead brilliant new-and-improved Biolar, by the way.) and got on the spacefoon with Rahal Tzyk, director of the intergalactic coordination center for heroic acts on the managementplanet Kut. Tzyk informed Synchro that the chickens, who were actually still banging away at Rexz place, probably came from planet Zebzeb, just below. Synchro was supposed to go down and have a scenecheck.

He powered up the remaining graviatationcondensers and headed for the planetz surface. The spacelab made a fantastic roaring sound before it crashed on a small wooden house. This house was owned bij Tyson the violista, who immediately punched Synchro`s lights out. When poor Rex came to he found himself hanging upside down from one of his own shipz antennaz. Tyson the violista had smeared Nutella in Rexz hair and was spraying Zweps Tonic all over him. Our intergalactic superhero from outer-space had never felt so angry in his life! But, he was powerless to react and Tyson the violista was just dancing around him with a huge grin on his ugly face singing strange songs about Baddacaunt being in some house and him being insane in the membrane. Synchro struggeled to free himself but there was nothing he could do. After a while, a strange character appeared from the shrubberies around them. This person had a benevolent smile on his poorly shaved face and his eyes looked like they had never seen any sleep. Tyson the violista was very happy to see this man and hopped towards him wailing and clapping his hands. The misterious man handed Tyson a bottle containing a transparent liquid wich the violista drank thistily. Not long after that Tyson began to look dazed and his tremendous torso thundered to the ground. The giant was asleep.

Our superhero -still hanging upside down- had to go to the bathroom urgently. The mysterious man walked up to Synchro and smiled at him. "I fucked your sister lastnite" he said. Rex immediately had great respect for this man. Rexz sister Verknipta was the worst pricktease the universe had ever seen and if this man had actually shagged her it would mean that he was a man of great valour and perseverance. " Please cut me loose " Synchro weeped " I have to go to the bahathrohohoom ". " ¡ No problema ! " the smiling man said and cut him loose with a nosehair-clipper. Synchro ran into the shrubbery and went Niagara. When he came back he told the man -whose name was Padre Atun, by the way- what had happened to his spacecraft and the live chicken. Padre Atun told him about a deranged farmer named Meclickclick who lived in the valley beyond the mountain ridge. Meclickclick was probably to blame for what had happened because he allways pulled stunts like that.

Rex Synchro thanked the Padre and set for the mountains. Actually, he ran there on his Nike 789 Zzx halogen gaz for superheroes . Synchro looked at the horizon to the right of him and he saw a earie cloud of dust coming towards him . Rex wondered what it could be and stopped. The cloud came closer much faster than he thought he recieved a tremendous kick in the balls, wich incidentally showed nicely in his superhero thights wich were carefully designed by Frederic Zifzifelau of Krek-Ul, but thatz not important right now. Anyway, he was kicked in the balls. By whom ? you may well ask. Well, he was kicked in the balls by a member of the hellz Granny motorgang of planet Zebzeb. The hellz Granny motorgang consisted of old ladies who drove around topless on ugly japanese motorcycles and terrorised everybodyz neighbourhood. Anyway, Synchro was kicked in the balls. (get on with it !) The hellz Granny that did it hit the brakes and turned her bike around. Synchro made a strange panting noise as Gepia, the leader of the pack watched him through her dark bifocal goggles. Her withered breasts hung over her shoulders and she smelled of wet cigars. " Whu Ar YU ! " she sneared. " I am Rex Synchro, superhero from outer-space " Synchro squeaked. " Wi Do Nee No Soepahiro Hieer, ya baaster ! " Gepia screamed. And then she pulled het motorcyle on its rear wheel and tried to run Syncho over. Rex dodged it like toreador. But, back she came, and went for it again. Synchro jumped over her an landed after a double summersault, for wich he got exellent marks from the rest of the motorgang, who were holding up signs. After being chased around for a while, Synchro got fed up with it and bashed Gepiaz head in with a morning star. The rest of the gang was scared shitless and went home to knit.

Synchro walked on. He wanted to find Meclicklick and a mechanic who could fix his spacecraft. Then he got nearer to the mountain he entered a dark forrest. There he encountered a Leprichaun. He asked the small man, whose name was Kisdvarg, if he knew where Meclickclick lived and if he knew a good mechanic. Kisdvarg had never heard of Meclicklick but he knew of Prutzorr the spacecraftrepairman. Kisdvrag told Synchro that Prutzorr could but would not and he had better visit Morgana the soceress who could and would if he were to be worthy. He found Morganaz small house at the edge of the forrest near the mountain.

Morgana was outside the house skinning a rodent as Sychro approached her. Without seeing him she greeted him and told hin to sit on something. There were no chairs so Synchro sat on the forrest soil, thus staining his cape. Morgana asked Rex why he had come to her and he explained what had happened. His body felt sore and he was quite tired. Morgana made him a bed of branches and laurel where he slept on until dawn woke him up.

While Synchro was sleeping he dreamt the strangest dream about his hairdresser Oogh, who lived on planet Vvratz. Oogh was a slimy Gurk who was allways dreweling all over the place, and he could not say one proper word that could be understood. Most people got very tired of Oogh but Synchro is a superhero and too stupid to care about anything. Rex dreamt that he was Ooghz only customer at the Intercosmo barbershop. Oogh was cheerfully blabbering on about his family and how he had invited them to stay in Rexz spacelab for evermore and how Rex was supposed to wash dishes ( Oogh had been an ashtraycleaner in the Vvratzian army ). Synchro told him his troubles and Oogh laughed and laughed and laughed. Then he dreamt that he was spaying tons and tons of custard on Oogh, who didnt understand why. Then Synchro realised that it was because Oogh had painted the spacelab all pink, and kept complaining that it had been so much work. Synchro dindnt want his spacelab pink. Oogh was swearing in Vvratz because of the custard, and Synchro replied that custard was very expensive, so he should not complain about it. Then he woke up.

At first Synchro could not open his eyes, because a humoungous Albatros had shat on his face. He had to borrow a hammer and chisle from Morgana in order to regain sight. His hairdo was destroyed and he yearned to go to Vvratz to get it fixed again.

Morgana told him that she had hypnotized Prutzorr, the mecanic who could but would not, to make sure that he could would and did. His spacecraft was fixed and she would bill him later. Then they talked about Meclickclick.

Many years ago Polikarpov August Meclickclick had fallen in love with a beautiful princess called UahUah. She had this strange name because het father was too drunk to talk properly to the deskclerk at Zebzebz city hall on the day she was born. Anyway Meclickclick and UahUah messed around for a while until routine, boardom and limits to the expansion of the mind ended it all.

After that Meclickclickz thoughts had caused a huge time/space disorder, wich affected everyone on the planet. This time/space disorder had finally materialized into a large hourglass that dominated the mountain ridge. The power of the hourglass prevented the future to proceed and made the past catch up with time. All life on the planet was altered by this and the creatures that lived there could not apply their life energy in a forward direction, so they did it in a lateral direction. That was the reason that grandmothers terrorised the planet and repairmen would not work.

Morgana herself was affected by the collective past and she had trouble proceeding. She was lonely, and she too had scar tissue on her soul.

Synchro didnt understand shit of what she was saying and kept on smoking and drinking. He just wanted the asshole that had been shooting up his ship to fuck off, go to hell, get lost et cetera. So finally Morgana told him a secret passage to Meclickclickz farm. And so Rex Synchro stood up, inflated his chest, combed what was left of his hair and left.

When Synchro found Meclickclickz farm he saw a skinny man hopping around a huge catapult screaming " Where is my mind " and " Where is my mind ". Rex was furious with him and ran towards him, foaming at the mouth. Meclickclick thought this was great fun, and ran around singing " Catch me if you can !, catch me if you can ! ". As Synchro was getting more and more angry, you see, Meclickclick was a fast mathafakka, Tyson the Violista appeared, chasing a butterfly he had fallen in love with. He was chasing it with a pencilsharpener on his knob and a net in his hands, not noticing what was happening around him.

Synchro saw the violista and they still had a score to settle. Rex kicked Tysonz ass so hard that he flew through the sky and landed on Meclickclickz catapult, wich went off and shot the violista away. On his way into orbit Tyson the Violista smashed the Hourglass on the mountain. The spell was broken. Meclickclick wanted to shoot chickens no more, and was stuck no more in the trap that he himself had created. In fact everybody on the planet could get on with his life.

Of course Rex Synchro had saved the day, and he was given head for three days and nights by the very grateful Morgana. After that Synchro got back to his spacecraft wich luckily was not pink and set course for Vvratz, to get his hair fixed. But when he got to Vvratz the intercosmo barbershop was closed, because somebody had thrown Oogh in a river, but thatz not important right now. Anyway, allz well that endz well an Rex Synchro, our superhero from outer space disappeared in the sunset looking for a new hairdresser.

Koniec.

1994 ZECJAAIS
SAN SEBASTIAN.