ifonly

If only...

If only there were a way
A way to share something I enjoy
Enjoy it with someone I like and love
More than once on the odd occasion
If only.

If only there was something
Like what has been before
Been before and given happiness
On many occasions of old
If only.

If only there wasn't the need
The need to be wanted for
Wanted for what I am and share it
Share it all the days of my Life
If only.

If only the passage of Time
Time spent in happiness long ago
Too long ago to be retrieved, could be
Retrieved instead of being a memory
If only.

If only I could smile and laugh
Laugh with friends at the days' events
Events which were all-consuming, once
Consuming all passions
If only.

If only it were not so cold
So cold that all my senses are becoming frozen
Frozen still into ice as I speak
Speaking to a wall which has not even a window
If only.

If only there was a spark of hope, a ray of light
Light at the end of the tunnel I walk through
Through discussions and thoughts and plans
Plans which have no apparent chance of being realized
If only.

If only I could attain what seems unattainable
Unattainable even though it was a part of my Life
My Life in younger years, now gone
Destined to be just a part of this writing
If only.

If only I had never experienced the wonderful feelings
Feelings which I once used to deny and keep out
Keep out of my daily regime and routine and yet
Yet opened up and accepted, becoming addicted
If only.

If only I hadn't achieved all of what I wanted
What I never thought I'd ever actually do or experience
Then I'd be still climbing, still searching, actively
Actively engaged whilst more stupid than I am
If only.

If only I followed football more than feelings
Felt more for the simple life without opening or examining
Examining its' meanings and it's reasonings
Reasoning that a day at the desk was sufficient
If only.

If only I'd never looked into things
Things which I have no right to understand
Understood that I have no right to what I have
For what I have is now too much, yet is inapplicable
If only.

For then, I would have no reason to ask:
If only there were a way
A way to share something I enjoy
Enjoy it with someone I like and love
More than once on the odd occasion

If only Life were that simple.

FCTG : 30-May-2000.

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