Diary

There was another T&T-evening tonight and I had really been looking forward to that, it would be nice to be with all those "partners in misfortune" in my new situation as a Post-op. I knew I would not be able to be there all evening, I didn't feel well enough for that yet. So Julia and I both took our own car, so that we could go home when we wanted to separately.

I think it was a good idea to come. Many people congratulated me, some people made sick jokes, but everybody was very interested in me and my recovery. They thought it was remarkable I was there already, exactly one month after the operation. Well, I have sometimes spoken to people there who had only been operated a few weeks before!
Anyway everybody wanted to know how I was doing and if I was glad with the result and if I had started working again and... whether dilating is nice feeling.

So... How am I doing? I have my ups and downs. It is different every day. Some pain here, some pain there. I am clearly going through a recovery process that changes from day to day. But I still frequently have bleedings and I am still on medication to reduce the pain.
So... Was it a "walk in the park"? Certainly not! You can prepare yourself for many things, but you can never know what you will experience when this change takes place. I thought there would be more pain. In that respect it was not as bad as I expected. But I had also expected a more speedy recovery. So that is worse than I thought.
So... Am I glad? Yes, I think the positive sides outweigh the negative ones. It is too soon to throw a party, since I have not recovered yet. But it is good I have got this behind me. Never again will I have to be in doubt if I should have the operation or not. I am very good at postponing decisions and usually I only dare to take a decision when I am able to calculate the pros and cons for all eternity. And I can't. But I have take an irreversible action here and that is good. And fortunately I am not someone who regrets choices I made in the past. You turn left or you turn right and from that point on there is a clear path ahead of you. No matter what I will find on that path, I will be able to cope with it.
So... Have I gone back to work yet? Ow no! I won't be able to work for a while. At the moment it would even be too heavy to drive the 60 miles to my work and 60 miles back. Not to mention actually doing something there.
So... Is dilating a nice feeling? No. Not at the moment. It is just a daily chore I have to do. If I don't do it, my vagina will disappear. The doctor says: "Use it or loose it!" And of course using such a cold, straight, inflexible bar for it is not very stimulating. "Sensuously smooth.", yeah, sure.

After answering all those questions, I felt I was getting sick. If you have ever faited, you know what it feels like. I was getting transpiration, there was sort of a trembling all through my body and I felt nauseous. So I said was was going to the bathroom for a moment. Unfortunately it was occupied.
I sat down on the cold tiles in the hallway. Better to sit down myself. "If I do faint now, at least I will not fall to the floor." Julia and Willeke soon noticed me sitting there and came to see what the problem was.
Of course there was not much they could do to help me. After visiting the bathroom, I quickly went back home. It had been my plan to stay for one hour, but I only managed to stay for 55 minutes. This outing was clearly still a little too much for my body, but I was glad I had done it anyway.

Previous T&T-evenings: October 2006, September 2006, August 2006, July 2006, June 2006, May, April, March, February, January, December, November, October, September, July 2005, June 2005, May 2005, April 2005, March 2005, February 2005, January 2005, December 2004, November 2004, October 2004, September 2004, August 2004, July 2004, June 2004, May 2004 and April 2004.

Labels: medical, TandT

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