English
Nederlands
2006-06-11
Forty-first Column
Tonight my forty-first column was broadcast in Gendertalk #563.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.com/audio/PROG01.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Progress
OK, you may congratulate me! Last week I have finally completed my "Real Life Test". I have been living full-time as a woman, taken hormones and faithfully appeared at every appointment I had in the hospital for the past 18 months. I am now officially eligible to undergo the sex reassignment surgery. But I didn't throw a party, not yet! Those of you who listen to my columns regularly know why: All that happens now is that I can be added to the waiting list and it can still take a very long time before it is my turn.
Recently I had an interesting conversation with an intersexual woman, a hermaphrodite. Most people do not know about her little secret and there is indeed little reason for her to tell people about it. When she was born she had both male and female genitalia and this has caused her a lot of trouble during her childhood. She didn't want anyone to see her nude and she felt terrible about her body. It became even more difficult when she grew up into a beautiful girl with large breasts. Many boys wanted to date her and become her boyfriend, but of course having sex was out of the question.
This situation lasted until she was 18 years old. Then she had an operation and the "extra parts" were removed from her body. She could finally start to function as a normal woman and try to make up for the years she had lost due to her physical problem, which was, of course, impossible.
There are great similarities between her situation before the operation and the predicaments of a pre-op transsexual. No matter how passable you are in everyday life, passability ends as soon as you take you clothes off. And that can be difficult to cope with, especially when this situation goes on for years and years. As you know I have conquered these bad feelings about my body and I have even been to the naturist beach not to prove it, but to put myself into a situation where I could learn to feel at ease with myself.
So I do accept my body the way it is. But I can only do that for so long. I can accept the fact that I am in a stage of my process of transformation. I can imagine how miserable my intersexual friend must have felt all those years. Reluctant to take off her clothes, living in fear of discovery, afraid that something may show if you are wearing too tight a skirt or trousers. All you want in that situation is to get it over with, to become complete as a woman.
I know my operation will not solve all my problems. I know I should be happy about all that I have accomplished already. And I am! I am very happy I can live as a woman every day and I feel totally accepted everywhere I go. But I do long for this next step in my transition. And completing my Real Life Test was necessary to be able to take it. Yes, I am still making progress and I will get there. Just you wait and see!
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You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.com/audio/PROG01.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
OK, you may congratulate me! Last week I have finally completed my "Real Life Test". I have been living full-time as a woman, taken hormones and faithfully appeared at every appointment I had in the hospital for the past 18 months. I am now officially eligible to undergo the sex reassignment surgery. But I didn't throw a party, not yet! Those of you who listen to my columns regularly know why: All that happens now is that I can be added to the waiting list and it can still take a very long time before it is my turn.
Recently I had an interesting conversation with an intersexual woman, a hermaphrodite. Most people do not know about her little secret and there is indeed little reason for her to tell people about it. When she was born she had both male and female genitalia and this has caused her a lot of trouble during her childhood. She didn't want anyone to see her nude and she felt terrible about her body. It became even more difficult when she grew up into a beautiful girl with large breasts. Many boys wanted to date her and become her boyfriend, but of course having sex was out of the question.
This situation lasted until she was 18 years old. Then she had an operation and the "extra parts" were removed from her body. She could finally start to function as a normal woman and try to make up for the years she had lost due to her physical problem, which was, of course, impossible.
There are great similarities between her situation before the operation and the predicaments of a pre-op transsexual. No matter how passable you are in everyday life, passability ends as soon as you take you clothes off. And that can be difficult to cope with, especially when this situation goes on for years and years. As you know I have conquered these bad feelings about my body and I have even been to the naturist beach not to prove it, but to put myself into a situation where I could learn to feel at ease with myself.
So I do accept my body the way it is. But I can only do that for so long. I can accept the fact that I am in a stage of my process of transformation. I can imagine how miserable my intersexual friend must have felt all those years. Reluctant to take off her clothes, living in fear of discovery, afraid that something may show if you are wearing too tight a skirt or trousers. All you want in that situation is to get it over with, to become complete as a woman.
I know my operation will not solve all my problems. I know I should be happy about all that I have accomplished already. And I am! I am very happy I can live as a woman every day and I feel totally accepted everywhere I go. But I do long for this next step in my transition. And completing my Real Life Test was necessary to be able to take it. Yes, I am still making progress and I will get there. Just you wait and see!
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