English
Nederlands
2005-05-29
Fourteenth column
Today my fourteenth column was broadcast by Gendertalk.
You can listen to it here.
A transcript of the text is below.
The Ugly Duckling
When I was a child, I often felt very lonely and unhappy. I felt I was somehow different from the other children. That was why they often teased me and wouldn't let me play with them. I didn't have a clue why I was different or in what way and neither did my parents.
My mother often tried to console me by telling me the story of the Ugly Duckling. You must have heard of that one, or have you?
Once upon a time a mother duck was breeding on her eggs. After a few weeks six of them hatched and out came six beautiful little ducklings. The seventh egg was slightly bigger than the other ones and it hatched a little later. Out of it came a very ugly duckling. It was too large and it was the wrong color. Mother duck was first afraid it may not even be a duckling; maybe it was a turkey? But when she saw this duckling could swim, just like her other children, she was reassured. This was probably just a phase and her child would grow over it. She lovingly accepted him as one of her own.
But the other ducklings were not so tolerant. And the other animals on the farm didn't accept him either. After several miserable weeks the poor duckling fled from the farm. He went to a nearby moor and asked all the animals if they had ever seen a bird like him, but nobody had. One day he saw a flock a very beautiful, white birds. These were swans of course, but the young duckling didn't know that. And somehow he felt towards them as he had never felt for any other bird in the world. He deeply wished he could be as graceful as they were, if only for one day! The beautiful birds flew away to the south, because the winter was beginning.
The winter was a very harsh time for this poor, lonesome bird. He almost ended up in a cooking-pot, he nearly froze to death and he felt more and more miserable.
Then, when the spring began he witnessed the return of those beautiful, white birds. He wanted to go near them, ugly as he was. He humbly approached them, bending his head down towards the water. But then he saw his own reflection! He saw he had grown into a beautiful, young swan! He was now just like the birds he had admired so much! He was lovingly accepted amongst the swans and people said he was the most beautiful of them all!
Of course the swan was very happy. But he never became vain or conceited. He always remembered how it felt to be despised and teased, and he was very sorry for all the creatures who are so treated merely because they are different from those around them.
It is a beautiful story with a happy ending, but it wasn't very consoling. I knew I was not a swan and I didn't see how I could ever live to see a happy ending like he did. Little did my mother and I know what was to happen to me many decades later in my life...
You can listen to it here.
A transcript of the text is below.
When I was a child, I often felt very lonely and unhappy. I felt I was somehow different from the other children. That was why they often teased me and wouldn't let me play with them. I didn't have a clue why I was different or in what way and neither did my parents.
My mother often tried to console me by telling me the story of the Ugly Duckling. You must have heard of that one, or have you?
Once upon a time a mother duck was breeding on her eggs. After a few weeks six of them hatched and out came six beautiful little ducklings. The seventh egg was slightly bigger than the other ones and it hatched a little later. Out of it came a very ugly duckling. It was too large and it was the wrong color. Mother duck was first afraid it may not even be a duckling; maybe it was a turkey? But when she saw this duckling could swim, just like her other children, she was reassured. This was probably just a phase and her child would grow over it. She lovingly accepted him as one of her own.
But the other ducklings were not so tolerant. And the other animals on the farm didn't accept him either. After several miserable weeks the poor duckling fled from the farm. He went to a nearby moor and asked all the animals if they had ever seen a bird like him, but nobody had. One day he saw a flock a very beautiful, white birds. These were swans of course, but the young duckling didn't know that. And somehow he felt towards them as he had never felt for any other bird in the world. He deeply wished he could be as graceful as they were, if only for one day! The beautiful birds flew away to the south, because the winter was beginning.
The winter was a very harsh time for this poor, lonesome bird. He almost ended up in a cooking-pot, he nearly froze to death and he felt more and more miserable.
Then, when the spring began he witnessed the return of those beautiful, white birds. He wanted to go near them, ugly as he was. He humbly approached them, bending his head down towards the water. But then he saw his own reflection! He saw he had grown into a beautiful, young swan! He was now just like the birds he had admired so much! He was lovingly accepted amongst the swans and people said he was the most beautiful of them all!
Of course the swan was very happy. But he never became vain or conceited. He always remembered how it felt to be despised and teased, and he was very sorry for all the creatures who are so treated merely because they are different from those around them.
It is a beautiful story with a happy ending, but it wasn't very consoling. I knew I was not a swan and I didn't see how I could ever live to see a happy ending like he did. Little did my mother and I know what was to happen to me many decades later in my life...
2005-05-28
Yves Rocher
Today I took another little hurdle. Just like Hunkemöller's Yves Rocher's is another shop I have always been afraid to enter. But I had nearly run out of daytime cream, so I took the jump and went in!
Of course there was nothing to fear. The saleslady was very kind and gave me good advice. Within fifteen minutes I was outside again, with a tinted daytime cream, a new mascara, an eye liner for Julia and a customer's card for discounts and free products.
Everything was sold at half the price today, because they had a celebration. So my cream cost 'only' $9. I think that is still quite expensive for such a small tube holding only 50 ml. Apparently beauty comes at a price! I am curious how long this tube will last...
Of course there was nothing to fear. The saleslady was very kind and gave me good advice. Within fifteen minutes I was outside again, with a tinted daytime cream, a new mascara, an eye liner for Julia and a customer's card for discounts and free products.
Everything was sold at half the price today, because they had a celebration. So my cream cost 'only' $9. I think that is still quite expensive for such a small tube holding only 50 ml. Apparently beauty comes at a price! I am curious how long this tube will last...
2005-05-23
Forever without sex
Last week we had another group session at Humanitas. So once again I had to rise early, go to work as soon as possible and after work proceed to Rotterdam at once. On the way there I made a stop at the self-service gas station and at the supermarket. But still I arrived much too early. I always need to be prepared for traffic jams and if there aren't any, I arrive too early.
Fortunately I wasn't the only one who arrived too early, so before the session started we were able to chat elaborately in the kitchen in the Humanitas building. When it was nearly time to start the meeting I quickly went to the restroom. In there I refashioned my clothing. And doing so I felt something slipping down in my bra. "O dear, my falsies are sagging", was my first thought, but that couldn't be, because I don't wear falsies any more. So what was it? I put my hand in my left cup and found... My credit card! I had quickly put it into my bra at the gas station to free my hands. There usually aren't any pockets in women's clothing, so once in a while you need a creative solution ;-)
The subject of out meeting was this time: "What does your transsexuality do to your partner?"
I think that is quite clear: It is just as bad as when your partner is lamed from his waist down: You'll never have sex again and your future will be filled with visits to the hospital. You will never have a normal life again.
But there is one advantage: If your partner is a transsexual, everybody will understand you if you leave him for that. If you leave him because he is lamed, people will consider that a deed of infidelity and cowardness.
But it turned out there are big differences in everybody's experience. Many partners are mainly concerned about 'what the neighbors will think of this'. As if that is important! This is exactly the kind of spasmodic, childish concern that is in the way between transsexuals and their acceptance in our society!
And sometimes the partner succeeds in discouraging the transsexual so much that he or she keeps on plodding in a body that doesn't match his or her feelings. It is understandable that transsexuals try to suppress they feeling for the sake of the love for their partners, but a life in the wrong gender role is bound to get more and more difficult. Sooner or later these feelings will arise again. It may even lead to suicide because they don't see any prospect in their future any more.
The other group members pointed out to me that a transsexual in a marriage does not have to imply "forever without sex", because "there are so many other ways to have sex." Yes they are right of course, but my partner doesn't fall for women. And we have a long history behind us in which I did have sex in the 'normal' way, knowing it didn't really work for me. That has not made things easier for us...
There is also an intersexual in our group and she had an interesting story to tell. She has been married for a long time but in the beginning her husband got very strange reactions from his peers. Apparently people thought an intersexual woman would look like a man. Well, they were in for a big surprise when they first met her. She was a very beautiful woman indeed!
"Hey, did you break up with the 'shemale'?" people sometimes asked.
"No, I didn't; here she is!"
So people had to admit that an intersexual woman is not as scary as they had imagined.
Fortunately I wasn't the only one who arrived too early, so before the session started we were able to chat elaborately in the kitchen in the Humanitas building. When it was nearly time to start the meeting I quickly went to the restroom. In there I refashioned my clothing. And doing so I felt something slipping down in my bra. "O dear, my falsies are sagging", was my first thought, but that couldn't be, because I don't wear falsies any more. So what was it? I put my hand in my left cup and found... My credit card! I had quickly put it into my bra at the gas station to free my hands. There usually aren't any pockets in women's clothing, so once in a while you need a creative solution ;-)
The subject of out meeting was this time: "What does your transsexuality do to your partner?"
I think that is quite clear: It is just as bad as when your partner is lamed from his waist down: You'll never have sex again and your future will be filled with visits to the hospital. You will never have a normal life again.
But there is one advantage: If your partner is a transsexual, everybody will understand you if you leave him for that. If you leave him because he is lamed, people will consider that a deed of infidelity and cowardness.
But it turned out there are big differences in everybody's experience. Many partners are mainly concerned about 'what the neighbors will think of this'. As if that is important! This is exactly the kind of spasmodic, childish concern that is in the way between transsexuals and their acceptance in our society!
And sometimes the partner succeeds in discouraging the transsexual so much that he or she keeps on plodding in a body that doesn't match his or her feelings. It is understandable that transsexuals try to suppress they feeling for the sake of the love for their partners, but a life in the wrong gender role is bound to get more and more difficult. Sooner or later these feelings will arise again. It may even lead to suicide because they don't see any prospect in their future any more.
The other group members pointed out to me that a transsexual in a marriage does not have to imply "forever without sex", because "there are so many other ways to have sex." Yes they are right of course, but my partner doesn't fall for women. And we have a long history behind us in which I did have sex in the 'normal' way, knowing it didn't really work for me. That has not made things easier for us...
There is also an intersexual in our group and she had an interesting story to tell. She has been married for a long time but in the beginning her husband got very strange reactions from his peers. Apparently people thought an intersexual woman would look like a man. Well, they were in for a big surprise when they first met her. She was a very beautiful woman indeed!
"Hey, did you break up with the 'shemale'?" people sometimes asked.
"No, I didn't; here she is!"
So people had to admit that an intersexual woman is not as scary as they had imagined.
2005-05-15
Thirteenth Column
I just had to react to the horrible lies conservatives in the USA have been spreading about the Dutch medical practices in the Netherlands. So I devoted my column to this.
The program can be found in the Gendertalk archive, but if you want to hear just the column you can find it here.
A full transcript of the text is below.
Pro Choice
Recently conservative people in the USA have been saying some very offensive things about the Dutch medical profession. We could even hear it on this side of the ocean! They said in Holland newly borns can be euthanized if they have a little birth defect. If a child is born with only four fingers, the parents can say: "Oh, this child is not perfect. We don't want it. Please euthanize it!"
Well, that is not the way it works! It is amazing that the "Pro life" movement resorts to such horrible lies to keep the people from taking a more liberal point of view. They make it sound like "Pro choice" leads directly towards Sodom and Gomorra, just like in the Netherlands.
Well, let me tell you that in the Netherlands the doctors do everything that is within their power to preserve life of people of all ages. Julia's grandson was born with a serious heart defect and he would not have lived for a year if nothing was done about it. So the doctors performed an open heart surgery on him when he was only a few months old! And by now he is a happy little toddler.
It is true the rules for euthanasia are more liberal in the Netherlands. In our country it is possible to stop the feeding of a patient who is in a coma for a long time without hope of recovery. It is possible for people who know they will soon die in a slowly and painful way to ask their doctor to speed up the process and help them avoid this needless suffering. Such decisions are never made without consulting another doctor.
Speaking about the medical profession: There is another misunderstanding I have often heard. Some people think that in the Netherlands the government will pay for sexual reassignment surgery. Well, they don't! I do not have to pay for my surgery myself, because it is covered by my health insurance.
People also say it is quite easy to get an approval for a sex change in the Netherlands. Well, it is not. First of all, there is no free choice in where to get your sex change. There are only two hospitals that perform this surgery. And in these hospitals the same Harry Benjamin Standards of Care apply as in the USA. As a matter of fact the rules are even more strict than those in the Standards of Care. We have a Real Life Test period of 18 months. We do not have the requirement of two letters of recommendation from mental health specialists for surgery, but instead we have a whole team, specialized in gender issues to make the decision.
I thought I could do without such a long real life test, since I had been living full-time as a woman for two years before I was diagnosed. The Standards of Care do leave room for such an exception, but the rules of the hospital don't. The Dutch gender team is very careful to avoid any mistake.
So the next time a conservative is trying to scare you out of a "Pro Choice" point of view by referring to the apocalypse we are heading for in the Netherlands, you can explain to him that the doctors in the Netherlands are just as conscientious as those in the USA.
The program can be found in the Gendertalk archive, but if you want to hear just the column you can find it here.
A full transcript of the text is below.
Recently conservative people in the USA have been saying some very offensive things about the Dutch medical profession. We could even hear it on this side of the ocean! They said in Holland newly borns can be euthanized if they have a little birth defect. If a child is born with only four fingers, the parents can say: "Oh, this child is not perfect. We don't want it. Please euthanize it!"
Well, that is not the way it works! It is amazing that the "Pro life" movement resorts to such horrible lies to keep the people from taking a more liberal point of view. They make it sound like "Pro choice" leads directly towards Sodom and Gomorra, just like in the Netherlands.
Well, let me tell you that in the Netherlands the doctors do everything that is within their power to preserve life of people of all ages. Julia's grandson was born with a serious heart defect and he would not have lived for a year if nothing was done about it. So the doctors performed an open heart surgery on him when he was only a few months old! And by now he is a happy little toddler.
It is true the rules for euthanasia are more liberal in the Netherlands. In our country it is possible to stop the feeding of a patient who is in a coma for a long time without hope of recovery. It is possible for people who know they will soon die in a slowly and painful way to ask their doctor to speed up the process and help them avoid this needless suffering. Such decisions are never made without consulting another doctor.
Speaking about the medical profession: There is another misunderstanding I have often heard. Some people think that in the Netherlands the government will pay for sexual reassignment surgery. Well, they don't! I do not have to pay for my surgery myself, because it is covered by my health insurance.
People also say it is quite easy to get an approval for a sex change in the Netherlands. Well, it is not. First of all, there is no free choice in where to get your sex change. There are only two hospitals that perform this surgery. And in these hospitals the same Harry Benjamin Standards of Care apply as in the USA. As a matter of fact the rules are even more strict than those in the Standards of Care. We have a Real Life Test period of 18 months. We do not have the requirement of two letters of recommendation from mental health specialists for surgery, but instead we have a whole team, specialized in gender issues to make the decision.
I thought I could do without such a long real life test, since I had been living full-time as a woman for two years before I was diagnosed. The Standards of Care do leave room for such an exception, but the rules of the hospital don't. The Dutch gender team is very careful to avoid any mistake.
So the next time a conservative is trying to scare you out of a "Pro Choice" point of view by referring to the apocalypse we are heading for in the Netherlands, you can explain to him that the doctors in the Netherlands are just as conscientious as those in the USA.
2005-05-11
Archie and Beverly
Today I finally listened to Gendertalk #508. My column "All in the Family" was indeed broadcast and the host, Ethan St. Pierre, liked it very much. (Nancy, the normal host of the program was in Austin, TX to receive an award for her work for the transgendered community.) The text of this column is also on line.
Ethan knew more about Archie than I did: Archie Bunker did meet a transsexual. I went to look for that in the "Episode Guide" and found three episodes of "All in the Family" where this happens. In episode #114 Archie save the life of a woman, Beverly, who turns out to be (in Archie's eyes) a man. In episode # 142 Archie pulls a trick on one of his buddies by arranging a date for him with Beverly. And in episode # 172/173 Beverly saves Archie's life, but gets killed herself in the process!
It is remarkable that transsexuality was already an issue in this series back in the seventies. And it is even more interesting that the transsexual plays a very sympathetic role.
It makes me wonder whether I have seen these episodes myself back then. And if I did, why didn't it ring a bell for me, like: "Gee, I can identify myself with Beverly; I am like her!"
My life would have turned out so differently, if I would have known what I know now back in 1977!
Ethan knew more about Archie than I did: Archie Bunker did meet a transsexual. I went to look for that in the "Episode Guide" and found three episodes of "All in the Family" where this happens. In episode #114 Archie save the life of a woman, Beverly, who turns out to be (in Archie's eyes) a man. In episode # 142 Archie pulls a trick on one of his buddies by arranging a date for him with Beverly. And in episode # 172/173 Beverly saves Archie's life, but gets killed herself in the process!
It is remarkable that transsexuality was already an issue in this series back in the seventies. And it is even more interesting that the transsexual plays a very sympathetic role.
It makes me wonder whether I have seen these episodes myself back then. And if I did, why didn't it ring a bell for me, like: "Gee, I can identify myself with Beverly; I am like her!"
My life would have turned out so differently, if I would have known what I know now back in 1977!
2005-05-07
Make-up
This month there was a make-up workshop on the afternoon before the T&T-evening. Many nice pictures have been made this afternoon, but we have also made an agreement that we won't out each other by posting pictures on the Internet. It is such a pity many people are scared to admit to the outside world they like to present themselves as females! What harm does it do? I complied with this agreement by showing my fellow-participants in the workshop only in non-recognizable form.
Marcha was our teacher. She often does these workshops for Ts.
We started with some background knowledge. There is an important difference between creating an every day acceptable look and dressing up for a T&T-evening once a week.
We did get some printed information to be studied at home. In it are for instance some historical facts about make-up. Many of the materials we use today were already used by the ancient Egyptians as well.
First of all it is important to know something about your own face. Just like a painter will study his canvas before beginning a painting.
We filled out some questions about our own face and also about the girl sitting next to us. Afterwards we compared these notes. It turns out that others often look at us quite differently than we look at ourselves.
It is important to know about your skin type and you have to realize, different parts of your face can be a different type of skin.
Every day our skin is confronted with unhealthy influences from outside. Exhaust gases, acid rain, cigarette smoke. The make-up protects against that.
"But you want us to smear something into our skins ourselves", I objected: "Isn't that just as harmful?'
No, it is not as bad as it seems. All make-up has been dermatologically tested nowadays, it is much more healthy than all the filth that is floating in the air around us. Marcha advises us to at least use a daytime cream. Long ago people used make-up that was lead based. Yes, that is harmful! With such make-up it is just a matter of time before you skin is destroyed completely.
Foundation is the primer for you make-up: It closes the pores, it absorbs light and it makes your face look smooth.
Do not use alcohol on your face. Do not use an aftershave after shaving. That hurts and it is no wonder it does! After shaving lightly rinse your skin with water, wait for a while and then apply your daytime cream. If you have bleeding wounds after shaving you can stop the bleeding with alum.
Make sure you store your make-up in a practical way. A tool box from a DIY-store will do nicely. And make sure you don't have too much: Buy only what you need en throw out old make-up. It decays! Mascara is made from the white of eggs. You can only use it for three months!
"Mine is four years old!"
Throw it out! You need to take good care of your eyes!
It is very important to use the right brushes and/or sponges. Marcha has twelve different brushes. Good brushes are expensive, but they last for a lifetime. Good brushes are made of real hair and can be cleaned with warm water. A long handle is very useful: It makes it possible to see what you are doing and it helps you sit in the right posture while applying your make-up. Sponges from the theatre shop are not suitable for normal make-up: They suck up too much of your expensive make-up and they have a structure that is too coarse.
After the interval we start the practical work. I had brought all the make-up mess I have gathered over the years, but I don't even know what some of these products are for! I had to get out the reading-glasses to decipher the little printing on the bottles.
Eventually I make my plan: I will not use foundation, but a tinted daytime cream instead. I will apply a very light-colored eye shadow. My eyes lie very deep in my face and there is too much shadow above them. I need to make that area lighter, not darker!
But what should I do with my eyebrows? I hate the look of those. And if I make them darker, they will draw even more attention, won't they? I ask this question to our teacher and of course it is immediately my turn the come to the whiteboard in front of the class. Marcha discusses my skin type (and the unhealthy condition of my skin). She advises me to stop smoking 
and to drink lots of water. I should have a beautician work on my eyebrows. But she does apply some color to them, because they do not contrast enough with my complexion. It does have a remarkable result!
I think my mascara smells just fine, so I apply it anyway. I don't need no rouge. That would only add a dark area on my face where there is a shadow already: Do not use make-up where it is not needed.
Finally: the lips. Marcha had advised us to do some experimenting, so I used my lip pencil to color the whole surface of my lips this time. Marcha suggested that would last longer than normal lipstick. Finally I applied some lip gloss and I was ready to go!
After the workshop we all went to Kiekerjan's for dinner. We usually do that after any afternoon-event at T&T-Eindhoven. The restaurant had been completely redecorated and the menu had changed since I last was there. There was a great atmosphere and the food was delicious. Our photographers were unstoppable by now and kept on taking pictures of us.
And then we all headed back the community building where the T&T-evening was already in full swing. This evening it was more busy than ever and I think the girls behind the bar have had to work very hard this time.
There were also plenty of activities. There was a company from Turnhout selling clothes, bras and jewelry. They also sold the 'All Natural Bra', well-known from TV commercials, but at a price of 10 Euros instead of the usual 50!
Of course the ladies from Medi Skin Care were there for laser hair removal and our friend Amélie played several tunes on her hurdy-gurdy. This time there were even people dancing to the hurdy-gurdy music, it was a great success!
For me the highlight of the evening was the photo shoot for the participants in the make-up workshop. Honestly, I never felt so much at ease in front of a camera! And here is one of the pictures that was taken of me:
Previous T&T-evenings: April, March, February, January, December, November, October, September, August, July, June, May and April 2004.
Marcha was our teacher. She often does these workshops for Ts.
We started with some background knowledge. There is an important difference between creating an every day acceptable look and dressing up for a T&T-evening once a week.
We did get some printed information to be studied at home. In it are for instance some historical facts about make-up. Many of the materials we use today were already used by the ancient Egyptians as well.
First of all it is important to know something about your own face. Just like a painter will study his canvas before beginning a painting.
We filled out some questions about our own face and also about the girl sitting next to us. Afterwards we compared these notes. It turns out that others often look at us quite differently than we look at ourselves.
It is important to know about your skin type and you have to realize, different parts of your face can be a different type of skin.
Every day our skin is confronted with unhealthy influences from outside. Exhaust gases, acid rain, cigarette smoke. The make-up protects against that."But you want us to smear something into our skins ourselves", I objected: "Isn't that just as harmful?'
No, it is not as bad as it seems. All make-up has been dermatologically tested nowadays, it is much more healthy than all the filth that is floating in the air around us. Marcha advises us to at least use a daytime cream. Long ago people used make-up that was lead based. Yes, that is harmful! With such make-up it is just a matter of time before you skin is destroyed completely.
Foundation is the primer for you make-up: It closes the pores, it absorbs light and it makes your face look smooth.
Do not use alcohol on your face. Do not use an aftershave after shaving. That hurts and it is no wonder it does! After shaving lightly rinse your skin with water, wait for a while and then apply your daytime cream. If you have bleeding wounds after shaving you can stop the bleeding with alum.
Make sure you store your make-up in a practical way. A tool box from a DIY-store will do nicely. And make sure you don't have too much: Buy only what you need en throw out old make-up. It decays! Mascara is made from the white of eggs. You can only use it for three months!
"Mine is four years old!"
Throw it out! You need to take good care of your eyes!
It is very important to use the right brushes and/or sponges. Marcha has twelve different brushes. Good brushes are expensive, but they last for a lifetime. Good brushes are made of real hair and can be cleaned with warm water. A long handle is very useful: It makes it possible to see what you are doing and it helps you sit in the right posture while applying your make-up. Sponges from the theatre shop are not suitable for normal make-up: They suck up too much of your expensive make-up and they have a structure that is too coarse.
After the interval we start the practical work. I had brought all the make-up mess I have gathered over the years, but I don't even know what some of these products are for! I had to get out the reading-glasses to decipher the little printing on the bottles.Eventually I make my plan: I will not use foundation, but a tinted daytime cream instead. I will apply a very light-colored eye shadow. My eyes lie very deep in my face and there is too much shadow above them. I need to make that area lighter, not darker!But what should I do with my eyebrows? I hate the look of those. And if I make them darker, they will draw even more attention, won't they? I ask this question to our teacher and of course it is immediately my turn the come to the whiteboard in front of the class. Marcha discusses my skin type (and the unhealthy condition of my skin). She advises me to stop smoking and to drink lots of water. I should have a beautician work on my eyebrows. But she does apply some color to them, because they do not contrast enough with my complexion. It does have a remarkable result!I think my mascara smells just fine, so I apply it anyway. I don't need no rouge. That would only add a dark area on my face where there is a shadow already: Do not use make-up where it is not needed.
Finally: the lips. Marcha had advised us to do some experimenting, so I used my lip pencil to color the whole surface of my lips this time. Marcha suggested that would last longer than normal lipstick. Finally I applied some lip gloss and I was ready to go!
After the workshop we all went to Kiekerjan's for dinner. We usually do that after any afternoon-event at T&T-Eindhoven. The restaurant had been completely redecorated and the menu had changed since I last was there. There was a great atmosphere and the food was delicious. Our photographers were unstoppable by now and kept on taking pictures of us.
And then we all headed back the community building where the T&T-evening was already in full swing. This evening it was more busy than ever and I think the girls behind the bar have had to work very hard this time.
There were also plenty of activities. There was a company from Turnhout selling clothes, bras and jewelry. They also sold the 'All Natural Bra', well-known from TV commercials, but at a price of 10 Euros instead of the usual 50!
Of course the ladies from Medi Skin Care were there for laser hair removal and our friend Amélie played several tunes on her hurdy-gurdy. This time there were even people dancing to the hurdy-gurdy music, it was a great success!
For me the highlight of the evening was the photo shoot for the participants in the make-up workshop. Honestly, I never felt so much at ease in front of a camera! And here is one of the pictures that was taken of me:
Previous T&T-evenings: April, March, February, January, December, November, October, September, August, July, June, May and April 2004.
2005-05-05
Answering Machine
I few weeks ago I programmed our answering machine with a new spoken text. Of course I was using my very best female voice.
Yesterday a friend of ours called to congratulate me, but at first she thought she had dialed the wrong connection: "I didn't recognize your voice; I heard a woman's voice I didn't know", she said later.
That is yet another proof my speech therapy is beginning to work!
Yesterday a friend of ours called to congratulate me, but at first she thought she had dialed the wrong connection: "I didn't recognize your voice; I heard a woman's voice I didn't know", she said later.
That is yet another proof my speech therapy is beginning to work!
2005-05-04
Birthday
Yes, it was my birthday yet again! I hardly thought about it until a few days in advance. I won't be throwing a party this year. But it is difficult to let it pass without doing anything about it...
So Julia and I went out for dinner again, together with a close friend of ours. This time we went to Brasserie Ludiek in Veldhoven. We only recently discovered this restaurant when we were on a bicycle trip. We all had the same starter named "Ik kan wel huilen" ("I feel I'm gonna cry"), which was a delicious onion soup. Hey, it's my party and I cry if I want to !! And then we each took a different main course. All different; all delicious!
I was curious what would happen at eight o'clock. The fourth of May is the day we commemorate the people who died in WO II in Holland. That is done with two minutes of silence at 8 PM. Although I was not at home, I did want to take part in that. So I put down my knife and fork and told Julia and our friend that I wanted these two minutes of silence. They complied with my request. But I was the only person in the restaurant who was actually thinking about war and peace.
Around me life went on as if it wasn't memorial day at all. After my two minutes of silence I did discus this theme with Julia and our friend at the table. I stick to what I said about this last year: We should not revenge every murder with another murder. If we always seek revenge, the war will never end!
Later I heard that in the Eindhoven soccer stadium people did take part in the commemoration. Before the soccer match began, images of the official ceremony were shown and all the soccer fans were actually silent for two minutes at 8 o'clock! Now that I have witnessed such a match in the stadium myself, I can imagine this must have been a very impressive event!
So Julia and I went out for dinner again, together with a close friend of ours. This time we went to Brasserie Ludiek in Veldhoven. We only recently discovered this restaurant when we were on a bicycle trip. We all had the same starter named "Ik kan wel huilen" ("I feel I'm gonna cry"), which was a delicious onion soup. Hey, it's my party and I cry if I want to
!! And then we each took a different main course. All different; all delicious!I was curious what would happen at eight o'clock. The fourth of May is the day we commemorate the people who died in WO II in Holland. That is done with two minutes of silence at 8 PM. Although I was not at home, I did want to take part in that. So I put down my knife and fork and told Julia and our friend that I wanted these two minutes of silence. They complied with my request. But I was the only person in the restaurant who was actually thinking about war and peace.
Around me life went on as if it wasn't memorial day at all. After my two minutes of silence I did discus this theme with Julia and our friend at the table. I stick to what I said about this last year: We should not revenge every murder with another murder. If we always seek revenge, the war will never end!
Later I heard that in the Eindhoven soccer stadium people did take part in the commemoration. Before the soccer match began, images of the official ceremony were shown and all the soccer fans were actually silent for two minutes at 8 o'clock! Now that I have witnessed such a match in the stadium myself, I can imagine this must have been a very impressive event!
2005-05-01
Twelfth Column
IF everything has worked out, my twelfth column has been broadcast tonight. I didn't listen to it myself, I was far too sleepy.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/ALL35.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
All in the Family
Do you remember the TV-series "All in the Family"? Do you remember Archie Bunker?
Boy the way Glen Miller played,
Songs that made the hit parade,
Guys like us we had it made,
Those were the days,
And you know where you were then,
Girls were girls and men were men,
Why does he sing that? Is he referring to transgendered people? Oh no, he's not! He is merely annoyed because in the sixties some boys liked to grow long hair, just like the girls. He is annoyed by anyone and everything that doesn't share his narrow view of the world. And there is a lot that doesn't fit in that view: Women's rights, same-sex marriage, abortion etcetera.
Archie has never even met a transgendered person. I wonder how he would react to that!
In the Netherlands the "Archie Bunker"-type is not that wide-spread. But they are among us! There are Archie Bunkers among my colleagues. There are Archie Bunkers among my relatives. There are Archie Bunkers out on the street.
The problems started soon after I began to live full-time as a woman. A few weeks later Julia, my spouse, celebrated her birthday. Full-time is full-time, so naturally I was dressed as a woman when we received our guests. I wore a black, ankle length, pleated skirt, a shiny green pullover and black shoes with one-inch heels.
It was quite a start to my parents. I had been preparing them for this moment by dressing androgynously and a little bit more feminine every time I met them during the preceding year, but they never seemed to notice. They have a tendency not to see things they don't like as long as possible. Well I can understand their problem. It is not easy to see your son behave as a daughter for the first time. But they were very reasonable about it.
But there was another relative who didn't take it so lightly. After the party he called Julia and told her he didn't want to be confronted with me in this way. He demanded Julia to come to his house and explain the matter.
Who does he think he is? We do have the right to determine what happens in our own house! Julia refused to come unless I could come along with her.
And so we went there together. This special occasion was the last time I put on male clothing, just for his sake. We had a long discussion that seemed to end well when I had managed to explain to him that I was not a transvestite, but a transsexual. Transsexuals usually meet a little more understanding in our society than transvestites do. People find it easier to understand if someone 'was born in the wrong body'. I think he should have accepted me if I were a transvestite as well, but it was difficult enough already. I really thought I managed to explain it all to him and I had the impression he understood.
But now, more than two years later, I am not so sure he has accepted me. It would be more accurate to say that he is tolerating me. Recently a little inducement was all it took to start a flaming email debate. My condition is causing him nervous headaches and sleepless nights, his wife said. Poor guy!
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/ALL35.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Do you remember the TV-series "All in the Family"? Do you remember Archie Bunker?
Boy the way Glen Miller played,
Songs that made the hit parade,
Guys like us we had it made,
Those were the days,
And you know where you were then,
Girls were girls and men were men,
Why does he sing that? Is he referring to transgendered people? Oh no, he's not! He is merely annoyed because in the sixties some boys liked to grow long hair, just like the girls. He is annoyed by anyone and everything that doesn't share his narrow view of the world. And there is a lot that doesn't fit in that view: Women's rights, same-sex marriage, abortion etcetera.
Archie has never even met a transgendered person. I wonder how he would react to that!
In the Netherlands the "Archie Bunker"-type is not that wide-spread. But they are among us! There are Archie Bunkers among my colleagues. There are Archie Bunkers among my relatives. There are Archie Bunkers out on the street.
The problems started soon after I began to live full-time as a woman. A few weeks later Julia, my spouse, celebrated her birthday. Full-time is full-time, so naturally I was dressed as a woman when we received our guests. I wore a black, ankle length, pleated skirt, a shiny green pullover and black shoes with one-inch heels.
It was quite a start to my parents. I had been preparing them for this moment by dressing androgynously and a little bit more feminine every time I met them during the preceding year, but they never seemed to notice. They have a tendency not to see things they don't like as long as possible. Well I can understand their problem. It is not easy to see your son behave as a daughter for the first time. But they were very reasonable about it.
But there was another relative who didn't take it so lightly. After the party he called Julia and told her he didn't want to be confronted with me in this way. He demanded Julia to come to his house and explain the matter.
Who does he think he is? We do have the right to determine what happens in our own house! Julia refused to come unless I could come along with her.
And so we went there together. This special occasion was the last time I put on male clothing, just for his sake. We had a long discussion that seemed to end well when I had managed to explain to him that I was not a transvestite, but a transsexual. Transsexuals usually meet a little more understanding in our society than transvestites do. People find it easier to understand if someone 'was born in the wrong body'. I think he should have accepted me if I were a transvestite as well, but it was difficult enough already. I really thought I managed to explain it all to him and I had the impression he understood.
But now, more than two years later, I am not so sure he has accepted me. It would be more accurate to say that he is tolerating me. Recently a little inducement was all it took to start a flaming email debate. My condition is causing him nervous headaches and sleepless nights, his wife said. Poor guy!
© 1985-2006 E.G. Snel
