English
Nederlands
2005-11-27
Twenty-seventh Column
Tonight my twenty-seventh column was broadcast in Gendertalk #538.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/STEER02.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Steering Wheel
Four weeks ago I told you I was making some life-changing decisions and I wasn't sure I was making the right choice. But there is no way back. And there are some signs that tell me I am doing the right thing. Let's look at some examples:
One moment I am chatting with two female colleagues about a project one of them is working on: It is a device for making mammograms. (The technical details are secret of course, but I can assure you this procedure will be a lot less intrusive than the current way of making mammograms, where your breasts have to be crammed between two plates...)
Together we laugh about her male colleagues who are a bit embarrassed about the project they are working on. The machine will of course have to fit most normal sizes of breasts and discussing that makes the men nervous. I feel completely accepted in this 'girl talk' with two women. These women have never known me before my transition. They have never seen me as a man.
The next moment I am walking from one building to another on our company premises and I hear a remark from a group of guys who are obviously bored. In a quasi-gay-voice one them says: "Absolutely fabulous, hun!"
It is clear that he is referring to my pink skirt suit and pink handbag.
Am I being too pink today? Ah well, probably these guys know all about my background. Everybody in the company knows about me. The gossip circuit reaches everyone. But why can't guys simply behave themselves and care about other people's feelings?
An hour later I go to the smoking area in our building. I am started a little when I enter the room. Usually my colleague M. and I have this room all to ourselves, but now there are four guys in there I haven't met before. They are blue-collar workers, movers I think. Fortunately one seat is still free, so I sit down and I smoke as I had planned to do. I also get into a conversation with them. They behave perfectly normal and they don't seem to read me at all. When they stand up and leave the room, their foreman says: "Have a nice day, Ma'am!"
I am not really having a nice day today, too much is happening in my life at the moment, but it is great to notice that there are guys who can behave normally towards me!
I think the pattern is clear: People who haven't met me before my transition are very accepting and don't even seem to read me. People who have known me before transition will never lose the image that I am a guy in a skirt. It is indeed high time to move on!
And I am moving on: My new life is taking shape step by step and it is happening at an alarming speed. On December 1st., just a few days from now, I will start working in my new job and on the same day Julia, my spouse, will move out to start living in her own apartment.
I also bought a car. To you Americans this may sound unbelievable but until last week I had never owned a car. Of course I sometimes had a company car or a family car at my disposal in the past, but all that feels just like borrowing it. It gives such a great feeling of freedom and independence to be at the wheel of your own car. And I think the same goes for life itself: It is your life and you have to take control: Be at the steering wheel of your own life!
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You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/STEER02.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Four weeks ago I told you I was making some life-changing decisions and I wasn't sure I was making the right choice. But there is no way back. And there are some signs that tell me I am doing the right thing. Let's look at some examples:
One moment I am chatting with two female colleagues about a project one of them is working on: It is a device for making mammograms. (The technical details are secret of course, but I can assure you this procedure will be a lot less intrusive than the current way of making mammograms, where your breasts have to be crammed between two plates...)
Together we laugh about her male colleagues who are a bit embarrassed about the project they are working on. The machine will of course have to fit most normal sizes of breasts and discussing that makes the men nervous. I feel completely accepted in this 'girl talk' with two women. These women have never known me before my transition. They have never seen me as a man.
The next moment I am walking from one building to another on our company premises and I hear a remark from a group of guys who are obviously bored. In a quasi-gay-voice one them says: "Absolutely fabulous, hun!"
It is clear that he is referring to my pink skirt suit and pink handbag.
Am I being too pink today? Ah well, probably these guys know all about my background. Everybody in the company knows about me. The gossip circuit reaches everyone. But why can't guys simply behave themselves and care about other people's feelings?
An hour later I go to the smoking area in our building. I am started a little when I enter the room. Usually my colleague M. and I have this room all to ourselves, but now there are four guys in there I haven't met before. They are blue-collar workers, movers I think. Fortunately one seat is still free, so I sit down and I smoke as I had planned to do. I also get into a conversation with them. They behave perfectly normal and they don't seem to read me at all. When they stand up and leave the room, their foreman says: "Have a nice day, Ma'am!"
I am not really having a nice day today, too much is happening in my life at the moment, but it is great to notice that there are guys who can behave normally towards me!
I think the pattern is clear: People who haven't met me before my transition are very accepting and don't even seem to read me. People who have known me before transition will never lose the image that I am a guy in a skirt. It is indeed high time to move on!
And I am moving on: My new life is taking shape step by step and it is happening at an alarming speed. On December 1st., just a few days from now, I will start working in my new job and on the same day Julia, my spouse, will move out to start living in her own apartment.
I also bought a car. To you Americans this may sound unbelievable but until last week I had never owned a car. Of course I sometimes had a company car or a family car at my disposal in the past, but all that feels just like borrowing it. It gives such a great feeling of freedom and independence to be at the wheel of your own car. And I think the same goes for life itself: It is your life and you have to take control: Be at the steering wheel of your own life!
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