English
Nederlands
2005-10-16
Twenty-Fourth Column
Tonight my twenty-fourth column was broadcast in Gendertalk #532.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/SPLIT01.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Splitting Up
It was difficult to come up with a new column this week, because my life is in turmoil at the moment. There is some good news: I am likely to get the job I spoke about two weeks ago.
And also My first publication in print is now in the shops.
But there is also something else and I feel embarrassed to tell you about that. Do you remember Gendertalk # 449 ? Let me remind you. In that program Julia and I were interviewed about how we managed to keep our relationship going although I transitioned. We really thought we could handle a transition. But at the time I wasn't taking hormones yet. I was basically still the same person I used to be, only now wearing a dress.
But things have progressed since then. I have been on female hormones for nine months now and I am half-way through my real life test. I am beginning to think about what my life will be like after my operation.
One day you wake up as a woman and you look around you. Where am I? Who am I? It turns out that you are in a situation you created yourself before the transition. Doing a man's job. Surrounded by a spouse and friends and relatives who have known you when you were a man. If you are lucky all these people may treat you in a respectful way and remember to use your new name when addressing you.
A change of environment can do a lot of good. I am making progress in that by finding a new job. In my new job I won't have to deal with people who know about my past. I will be just like any other new woman in the office.
But what about our marriage? Can I go on with that? My desire to be a woman goes much further than just being addressed as madam. I want to explore the world. I know I am being selfish and stubborn. I think this is what they call the 'second puberty'. Julia and I have decided that it is the best solution to split up once again. Many friends are now very angry with me, I am likely to lose them. They say the only valid reason to end a relationship is when you fall in love with someone else, because then your feelings change and your hormones start to boil.
Looking at myself I have to admit that my feelings are changing and hormones are fizzing in my blood. In a way this feeling is similar to 'falling in love with someone else'. I don't know what the future has in store for me, but there will definitely be some drastic changes in my life in the next few months...
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You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/SPLIT01.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
It was difficult to come up with a new column this week, because my life is in turmoil at the moment. There is some good news: I am likely to get the job I spoke about two weeks ago.
And also My first publication in print is now in the shops.
But there is also something else and I feel embarrassed to tell you about that. Do you remember Gendertalk # 449 ? Let me remind you. In that program Julia and I were interviewed about how we managed to keep our relationship going although I transitioned. We really thought we could handle a transition. But at the time I wasn't taking hormones yet. I was basically still the same person I used to be, only now wearing a dress.
But things have progressed since then. I have been on female hormones for nine months now and I am half-way through my real life test. I am beginning to think about what my life will be like after my operation.
One day you wake up as a woman and you look around you. Where am I? Who am I? It turns out that you are in a situation you created yourself before the transition. Doing a man's job. Surrounded by a spouse and friends and relatives who have known you when you were a man. If you are lucky all these people may treat you in a respectful way and remember to use your new name when addressing you.
A change of environment can do a lot of good. I am making progress in that by finding a new job. In my new job I won't have to deal with people who know about my past. I will be just like any other new woman in the office.
But what about our marriage? Can I go on with that? My desire to be a woman goes much further than just being addressed as madam. I want to explore the world. I know I am being selfish and stubborn. I think this is what they call the 'second puberty'. Julia and I have decided that it is the best solution to split up once again. Many friends are now very angry with me, I am likely to lose them. They say the only valid reason to end a relationship is when you fall in love with someone else, because then your feelings change and your hormones start to boil.
Looking at myself I have to admit that my feelings are changing and hormones are fizzing in my blood. In a way this feeling is similar to 'falling in love with someone else'. I don't know what the future has in store for me, but there will definitely be some drastic changes in my life in the next few months...
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