English
Nederlands
2005-10-30
Twenty-fifth Column
Tonight my twenty-fifth column was broadcast in Gendertalk #534.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/MAKING12.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Making or Breaking?
As I told you four weeks ago I have applied for a new job. And guess what? I've got the job! This proves that it is possible for a transsexual woman to find a job, at least in the Netherlands. And it is the first step towards a new life. That is a great achievement and I should be very happy.
But to be honest, I am not very happy at the moment. So many things are happening in my life at the same time. Quitting my old job and ending the relationship with my spouse makes our whole world fall apart. We seemed to be doing so well together. Julia was really doing her best to make things work out for us. And now all that has to end because of me. Because of my urge to move ahead, to seek out new experiences. All this hurts Julia a lot and I am taking great risks. We will have to start all over -- again!
When I look at my life I see a recurring pattern. Again I am going to live all by myself to make some progress with my transition. This is the third time in five years that I am starting all over again. It is of course a great opportunity to gain more acceptance as a woman. There are too many people around me who have known me when I was still living as a man. Most of them accept me for who I am. But that is something else than accepting me as a woman.
I think there are many things I will have to give up. And it is common story: Look on the Internet: Most transsexuals have lost their jobs, lost their spouses, lost most of their friends. But why does it happen so many times in my case? Maybe the cuts weren't deep enough. I didn't lose my job, I didn't lose my spouse, I didn't lose too many friends. But maybe in some cases I need to break the bond myself. I say maybe, because it is very harsh to break the bond with the people who stood by me while I transitioned. And I don't know what the result of all this will be. Maybe I am starting a happy new life, maybe I am just breaking down everything I had within a few months. Only time will tell.
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You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/MAKING12.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
As I told you four weeks ago I have applied for a new job. And guess what? I've got the job! This proves that it is possible for a transsexual woman to find a job, at least in the Netherlands. And it is the first step towards a new life. That is a great achievement and I should be very happy.
But to be honest, I am not very happy at the moment. So many things are happening in my life at the same time. Quitting my old job and ending the relationship with my spouse makes our whole world fall apart. We seemed to be doing so well together. Julia was really doing her best to make things work out for us. And now all that has to end because of me. Because of my urge to move ahead, to seek out new experiences. All this hurts Julia a lot and I am taking great risks. We will have to start all over -- again!
When I look at my life I see a recurring pattern. Again I am going to live all by myself to make some progress with my transition. This is the third time in five years that I am starting all over again. It is of course a great opportunity to gain more acceptance as a woman. There are too many people around me who have known me when I was still living as a man. Most of them accept me for who I am. But that is something else than accepting me as a woman.
I think there are many things I will have to give up. And it is common story: Look on the Internet: Most transsexuals have lost their jobs, lost their spouses, lost most of their friends. But why does it happen so many times in my case? Maybe the cuts weren't deep enough. I didn't lose my job, I didn't lose my spouse, I didn't lose too many friends. But maybe in some cases I need to break the bond myself. I say maybe, because it is very harsh to break the bond with the people who stood by me while I transitioned. And I don't know what the result of all this will be. Maybe I am starting a happy new life, maybe I am just breaking down everything I had within a few months. Only time will tell.
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