English
Nederlands
2005-09-18
Twenty-Second Column
Tonight my twenty-second column was broadcast in Gendertalk #528.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/QUOTE11.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
Melancholy
A few months ago I found a beautiful quote from Anatole France on another transsexual's weblog:
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
I was touched by this text and I wanted to tell her. I also wanted to explain to the rest of the world why this quote was so fitting for the situation of a transsexual. So I placed a comment on her weblog:
"Anatole is absolutely right there. This makes our transition difficult. Only few people understand that. At times I am a bit sad about the things I lose due to my transition, but then people tell me I wanted to transition myself, so I shouldn't whine. If I feel sorry I should just call off the whole transition."
I was very surprised to read her reaction:
"I am never sad about my past. My past was nothing and it never will be. Therefore I see no reason to feel sorry."
Well, if I completely misunderstood her, why did she quote this in the first place? I placed another comment to ask her for an explanation and she answered that it had to do with the people around you who have grown used to a person that is no longer there.
I didn't go into this discussion any deeper. I have often noticed that transsexuals can get very angry if you disagree with them, especially if you trying to prick the balloon of their all-happy, doubt-free, painless transition. I have seen such discussions become very hateful in several cases on the Internet and I didn't want to start yet another flame-war...
But between us: I do not believe in a painless transition. And I think the transsexuals who react so strongly if you hint at possible doubts or disadvantages are really trying to deny such feelings within themselves. This reminds me of another quote from Anatole France:
"A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance."
OK, so maybe I will never be as happy as a person who doesn't see the dark side of things. But I think I would rather face reality the way it is than close my eyes for any stain that spoils the image of a perfect transition.
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You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.nl/audio/QUOTE11.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:
A few months ago I found a beautiful quote from Anatole France on another transsexual's weblog:
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
I was touched by this text and I wanted to tell her. I also wanted to explain to the rest of the world why this quote was so fitting for the situation of a transsexual. So I placed a comment on her weblog:
"Anatole is absolutely right there. This makes our transition difficult. Only few people understand that. At times I am a bit sad about the things I lose due to my transition, but then people tell me I wanted to transition myself, so I shouldn't whine. If I feel sorry I should just call off the whole transition."
I was very surprised to read her reaction:
"I am never sad about my past. My past was nothing and it never will be. Therefore I see no reason to feel sorry."
Well, if I completely misunderstood her, why did she quote this in the first place? I placed another comment to ask her for an explanation and she answered that it had to do with the people around you who have grown used to a person that is no longer there.
I didn't go into this discussion any deeper. I have often noticed that transsexuals can get very angry if you disagree with them, especially if you trying to prick the balloon of their all-happy, doubt-free, painless transition. I have seen such discussions become very hateful in several cases on the Internet and I didn't want to start yet another flame-war...
But between us: I do not believe in a painless transition. And I think the transsexuals who react so strongly if you hint at possible doubts or disadvantages are really trying to deny such feelings within themselves. This reminds me of another quote from Anatole France:
"A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance."
OK, so maybe I will never be as happy as a person who doesn't see the dark side of things. But I think I would rather face reality the way it is than close my eyes for any stain that spoils the image of a perfect transition.
Comments:
I can understand both viewpoints. Some of us have a miserable childhood, particularly those who are strongly trans and cannot repress themselves. Society is very harsh on non-conforming children. Others have a wonderful childhood that stretches through adolescence and adulthood, only to find that the ability to repress fades. The sense of loss in that case is both terrifying and heartrending, especially if there are spouse, children, and career at stake.
Some of us need medical intervention. In those cases, sometimes things go well and other times things go terribly.
It is just not possible to make a blanket statement. The only thing we can say for sure is that there is always risk in change. Whether or not we will transition from rags to riches, riches to rags, or stay in about the same place is entirely up to the winds of fate. We can assure ourselves that we have hoped for the best and planned for the worst, but in the end chance always rules.
Cheryl
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Some of us need medical intervention. In those cases, sometimes things go well and other times things go terribly.
It is just not possible to make a blanket statement. The only thing we can say for sure is that there is always risk in change. Whether or not we will transition from rags to riches, riches to rags, or stay in about the same place is entirely up to the winds of fate. We can assure ourselves that we have hoped for the best and planned for the worst, but in the end chance always rules.
Cheryl
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