And just why did the Chicken cross the road?

Albert Camus:

Seeing that an indifferent world lied on all sides of the road, the chicken knew it would be absurd not too cross, and for that moment, the chicken knew what it was to really be alive. It was if the bird had been asleep its entirely up until this choice was put before him. So, with a newfound determination and a smile, the chicken valiently crossed the road only to be put out of its mercy by an eighteen wheeler.

Albert Einstein:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Andersen Consulting:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, process

Any Calculus Professor:

The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1) is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of roads.

Any Philosophy 101 Professor:

Why not?

Aristotle:

It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Aristotle:

To actualize its potential.

B.F. Skinner:

Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Baldrick:

It had a cunning plan.

Bill Clinton:

The chicken was persuaded to cross the road by the Democratic congress. It is now returning to the middle of the road

Bill Gates:

I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook.

Buddha:

Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Buddha:

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Captain James T. Kirk:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Carl Jung:

The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Colonel Sanders:

I missed one?

Darwin:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Darwin:

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

David Hume:

Out of custom and habit.

Douglas Adams:

Forty-Two

Dr. McCoy:

How should I know? Damnit Jim, I'm a Doctor not an ornithologist!

Einstein:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Emily Dickinson:

Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:

For fun.

Ernest Hemingway:

To die. In the rain.

Fox Mulder:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Frank Perdue:

How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to you -- don't answer that.

Franz Kafka:

Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death, slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone. He was running for his life, his insignificant life.

Freud:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Gottfried Von Leibniz:

In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Groucho Marx:

Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

H.P. Lovecraft:

To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!

Henry David Thoreau:

To live deliberately... and such all the marrow out of life.

Hippocrates:

Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Howard Cosell:

It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Immanuel Kant:

The pure transcendental concept of the road, having been deduced a priori and without dependence on intuitions, is given in the mode of the chicken as an end in itself, while crossing the road as a hypothetical imperative, namely, as acting towards some end allowed by Reason.

Jack Kerouac:

The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.

Jack Nicholson:

'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.

Jacques Derrida:

Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

James K Baxter

When the chicken bought the farm the bracken made it's bed. And why not cross the road? the Magpies said.

James Tiberius Kirk:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Jane Austen:

Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being posessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

Jim Hickey

The chicken was tripped up by the end of a swirling tropical cycloney whirl and caught in a nor'westerly flow by that mashed potato depression over the Pacific.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:

The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

John Constantine:

Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

John Sununu:

The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Karl Marx:

It was a historical inevitability.

Ken Mair

Birds are the true indigenous inhabitants of New Zealand and as such are the true owners of all land. It is none of your business what the chicken does on its land.

Kindergarten Teacher:

To get to the other side.

Lana Coc-kroft

Sorry what was the question?

Louis Farrakhan:

The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:

The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Machiavelli:

So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Machiavelli:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Marc Ellis:

Ridgey kicked it there didnja mate didnja.

Marcus Antonius:

The evil that chickens do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones.

Mark Twain:

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Marshall McLuhan:

The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!

Martin Luther King, Jr.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Martin Luther King:

It had a dream.

Mercury Energy:

If the chicken has the power to cross the road it should expect to lose it. If it has already lost it, it should not expect it to return for at least 2 weeks.

Michael Schumacher:

it was an instinctive manouvre, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

Moses:

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Mr. Spock:

It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical

Mr. Worf:

I do not know, Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road.

Nietzsche:

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Nike:

Just did it.

Noam Chomsky:

To manufacture consent

Oliver North:

National security was at stake.

Oliver Stone:

The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Pam Corkery

Why did the CHICKEN cross the ROAD. That's just the sort of stupid pig ignorant patronising question I've come to expect a dork like you to ask.

Paul Holmes

Well. The chicken. Crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story. May have been invented. To boost. Interest in a new book published published I might add yes I might I might indeed published by the very same chook. Tonight on Holmes. We investigate. The chook book crook ahmph.

Plato:

For the greater good.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:

What road?

Ralph Nader:

A chicken on a road is unsafe at any speed

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

The chicken did not cross the road it transcended it.

Rene Descartes:

The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the deterministic nature of the universe.

Richard Loe:

I didn't do anything to the chicken!

Richard M. Nixon:

The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Rob Muldoon

It thought big !.

Roger Blakeley:

(Internal Affairs CEO) The chicken had looked at its future state, acknowledged its current situation (i.e. being on this side of the road), identified its gap strategies and then aligned its resources to achieve the mission of getting to the other side. Performance indicators currently have it at 8.2.

Ronald Reagan:

I forget... I think.

Saddam Hussein:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Salvador Dali:

The fish.

Sam Hunt

So the chicken / crossed the road / and also rode / the cross./ Our nation's boss /the Southern Cross / Now bears his/PALTRY load.

Sean Fitzpatrick

Yeah, full credit to the chicken, it was a road of two halves.

Shakespeare

There is a willow grows aslant the brook.

Sigmund Freud:

The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Sir Isaac Newton:

Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Socrates:

To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

Suzanne Paul

How much would you expect to pay? Not only do you get the chicken with wings but also the road and if you are one of the first 500 callers I'll throw in this fabulous natural glowing crossing which thousands of lumionous blue monkeys have paid hundreds for, but it's yours free. Price excludes GST, postage packaging and special conditions apply.

Tegel Foods

The one that got away.

Temuera Morrison

So it wouldn't be in Guatemala any more?

The Sphinx:

You tell me.

Thomas de Torquemada:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Tukoroirangi Morgan

The chicken's mana entitled it to cross the road whenever it wanted and wherever it wanted. The chicken is not required to provide a reason for its actions. It's time the rednecks stopped chicken-bashing.

Vladimir Lenin:

It is not the chicken's road. It is the PEOPLE'S road!

W. Edwards Demming:

But is one chicken crossing one road of statistical importance? Only once we have established an historical baseline of chickens with respect to roads, with calculated upper and lower control limits, can we make that determination.

Werner Heisenberg:

We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was mving very fast.

Winston Peters

I am fed up with the constant stream of unproven accusations from the press. This email is not an appropriate forum to reveal the motives of the chicken. To discuss this matter now would be to pre-empt a possible court action. I am frankly disappointed you asked that question.

Wolfgang Pauli:

There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.