 Hoofdstuk 4. Safety
Strategies.
Source: Internet.
Safety Strategies For Stalking Victims. Unfortunately, there is no single psychological or behavioral profile for stalkers. Every stalker is different. This makes it virtually impossible to devise a single effective strategy for victims to cope with stalkers' behavior which can then be applied to every single situation and all circumstances. This is why it is so vital that victims of stalking immediately seek the advice of local victim specialists who can work with them to devise a safety plan or action plan to address their unique situation and circumstances. Victim specialists can be found in local domestic violence or rape crisis programs, and in victim assistance programs in some local law enforcement agencies or prosecutors' offices.
Victims of stalking include individuals presently at risk for imminent
danger to their physical and/or emotional welfare, and those with
continuously-pending danger, but not immediately at risk for harm. The
following is not intended to be a set of strict guidelines for stalking
victims in either category, but rather practical information to assist
them. There is no guarantee that if you follow all, or some, of these
strategies that you will be safe; however, implementing these strategies
will reduce your odds of physical or emotional harm from your stalker. Any
persons who suspect or believe that they are currently being stalked shouldreport all contacts and incidents to their local law enforcement
authorities.
Taking back your life. The bottom line is, the stalker is looking for attention. He seeks a positive reaction, though he'll settle for a negative one because at least he knows he's in your life that way. So the critical question becomes, how do you navigate around this situation? Even once the legal system and law enforcement have caught on and caught up, individuals will still be the ones best able to protect themselves. Which means that you'll need to know what to do should you, or a loved one, become the target of an obsessive individual. Take these steps and you will have done all the right things toward regaining control over victimization. Let's start at the beginning. If you don't want to pursue a relationship, say no quickly. Letting someone down "easy" doesn't soften the blow. It simply draws out the pain as well as the rejection process, and extends the other party's emotional investment. The earlier the message is delivered, the less likely your admirer will be encouraged to pursue you. Be direct and clear, even if it doesn't feel comfortable. Since people see and hear what they want when emotions are at stake, if you're not explicit your message won't get through. Indeed, it'll be interpreted as encouragement. Avoid circumstantial rejections or reasons when explaining that you don't want to get involved. Avoid excuses like: 'Not yet' (which the stalker hears as 'I'm changing my mind), 'Give me time' (which tells the stalker to keep the pressure on), 'I'm not ready for a relationship' (which will be interpreted to mean that you really want him but just don't know it yet), 'I have a husband' or 'I have a boyfriend' (which indicates that your mate is what stands in the way), or 'Maybe' (which prompts the stalker to prove how much he loves you). If the pursuer doesn't hear, or heed, the words: I'm absolutely not interested in a relationship with you, then something is wrong. Don't waiver. If someone can sense that you're uncertain and come to believe that persistence is the key, then it's too late. Allow the individual to maintain his dignity. Your message should be firm but not patronizing, derisive or harsh. Give the impression that you expect a reasonable response. Trust your gut. A possessive person who wants to control you while you're dating is likely to want to control you even more once you leave him. Listen to what's being said rather than what you want to hear. If someone says they love you too much, they're probably right. If it happens to you: As soon as you see that someone is being overly persistent, you need to take the matter seriously. Though your pursuer may never resort to violence, the unwanted attention will most likely cause you discomfort and unpleasantness at the very least. So whether you're dealing with a former lover, a colleague or a stranger, you need to play it safe and protect yourself, your family, your home and your work place. Ideally, of course, many of these protection measures should be in place before a problem arises. Removing yourself from the stalker's reach should be your top priority. If a stalker doesn't know where you live, make sure it stays that way. Cut off all communication with the stalker. Screen your calls. Don't pick up the phone no matter how often he calls or what he says. If you respond after 50 calls in one night, you've simply taught him that it takes 51 calls to get your attention. Contrary to popular wisdom, de Becker advises you not to change your number. Instead, get a second one. Keep the old number hooked up to an answering machine. This will allow your stalker to vent his frustrations on tape instead of on you. Besides, every time he leaves a message, he gets the message that you can resist his harassment. In addition, it can provide unparalleled insights into the caller's state of mind and any patterns of escalation. And it's a perfect way to document harassing calls. Minimize any and all chances for personal contact with him. Vary your routines and the routes you take. If you do run across him, don't react. Most of all, don't show him how scared you are. That's exactly the reaction he's looking for. Let appropriate people around you know what's going on and enlist their help. Describe the threatening person (along with any vehicles he or she drives) to family members, neighbors, co-workers, school officials, secretaries, receptionists, doormen, apartment managers, household staff and police. Photographs work even better. Know the whereabouts of family members at all times. Accompany children to school or bus stops. Plan ahead. Always park in well-lit areas. Know the locations of police stations, fire departments and busy shopping centers. Head there if you're followed, and honk your horn to attract attention. Invest in a portable phone so that you can call for assistance should you need it, without ever leaving your car. (Remember, however, that a scanner will be able to pick up conversations.) Make sure you can be safe in your own home. Most police will supply a free home security check-up. At the office, make sure all visitors and packages pass through central reception. If your name appears on any reserved parking areas, take it off. Inform any on-site security personnel of the situation. Have a secretary or co-worker screen all calls if necessary. And be aware of anyone who might be following you on your way home from work. Should you receive a threat: Consult your local police department or a threat assessment professional. But remember to treat the threat like you would a promise: evaluate the issuer's character, motives and the circumstances in order to judge how likely he is to carry out the threat. Remember that letting the air out of a threat by not reacting to it can mean the difference between escalation and de-escalation of your stalking situation. At a certain point, the person who doesn't get the reaction he seeks will go some place else. Use trespass laws rather than restraining orders to prosecute. Despite their name, restraining orders (also known as protection orders) can offer you little to no restraint or protection -- and they're almost guaranteed to provoke your stalker. Whatever options you pursue to insure your physical safety, try not to neglect your emotional well-being. You may feel like you're alone in this nightmare, but there are places to turn for help. You'll find a list of resources on our resources page. You'll also find that sharing your experience with other victims who truly understand what you're up against can ease the burden just a little, while providing an educational forum in which to learn more about the issue and how to better keep yourself safe. So be sure to check out the online stalking victims' support group.
National Victim Center at 800/FYI-CALL (800/394-2255) or
817/877-3355, or the National Organization for Victim
Assistance (NOVA) at 800/879-6682 or 202/232-6682.
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