Saturday, July 31, 2004

I'm all set!

There. I have a freak-cake in the oven, a bread is in the make, the fridge full of food... it's literally bursting, the lower part of the house is clean (so I have to make sure nobody goes upstairs...) and I'm ready to go to the beach and have fun with my friends! :D

I'm really looking forward to my first own real birthday party (i.e. I do the planning & cooking etc) and 13 people in our house... I think that's also a first :D

I'll make sure to take pictures and load them up on photipic tomorrow :)

I'm also excited about monday. Then I can finally move on. I have to be there at 8:30 - ish and report to security to get my pass etc. :)

It's really cool! :D I'm a bit scared... or rather intimidated but I think I'm just a big sissy again. It's gonna be fine I'm sure :D

So now I'll check on my red & darkgrey cake (so many multiple "E"s...) and pack my sun lotion and some towels etc for the beach :)

Thursday, July 29, 2004

I did it.

Today was my last day. I didn't get much work done, but they all understood. Weird feeling. with all my other jobs I was happy that it was over... but with this one... it was so nice and cozy. People were great and the work was interesting.

Yes and I remember that in the beginning it was killing me. I wasn't used to working anymore since I had been unemployed for more than 6 months. And back then I didn't know the people very wel yet.

And my biggest problem, as usual, that I didn't really tell them how much I appreciated them. When I like someone I make them uber great in my head and then I feel like I'm not worthy of them. Then I get all shy around them and just smile and blush. I'm an Idjit but we knew that already. So I left my email and phone number for a couple of the people I liked best. I doubt, though, that they'll ever contact me. That's the way it goes with collegues. :( I've had that before. But it also shouldn't be an obligation on their part. So I don't know. It's just that no matter how many super great friends we have I also kind of want friends of my own. People that only I know. Might sound weird. It's just really hard for me to make friends, since when I like someone and find them interesting and stuff I get all shy (as I said). So there goes that. And then maybe I do something stupid like scare them off coming out of no where and freaking them out. Great. Did I meantion that I was an Idjit???? I'm gonna go and feel stupid now... bye... :|

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

One more day.

Hmmm... hmmmm... hmmm... tomorrow is my last day. Yes I'm sad. I like my job. :( From monday on I'll have a "better" job with more money etc but I'm going to really miss my collegues :( It's going to be so weird. :( This is my fourth real job but it's the best one I've had regarding collegues and the actual work. :( I know the new job is far better, I get paid way more, I have a contract, I'll have collegues from all over the world, I can even go and play tennis in my lunch break... but It won't be the same :(

Perhaps I'll make great collegue friends again. And maybe I will like it much better there. Nevertheless this is my first happy job experience and I'm sad that I have to leave. Don't say it. Of course I realize that I'm a sad idjit for crying after a temp job where I have no securities whatsover. Right now, though, I'm just sad. And also kind of scared of what to expect from the new job.

I know I have to move on. And it shouldn't be a big deal. I'll forget with time and then I'll feel better... I hope :(

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Efteling

So all is well with the world and we went to the Efteling :D I have photopic now so you can look at the pictures I took :)

Other than that I feel loads better after the perfect day yesterday :)

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Dead

I've never been in this much pain ever in my life. It feels like I'm dying and nomatter what I do it doesn't get any better. People at work wanted to call an ambulance because I got paler and paler and I fell over but I just said I'd go home and it would be fine. I don't know why, but my whole body burns. It starts in my stomach and it spreads all through my body. Every movement I make hurts, and when I don't move it hurts as well. The fact that I cried all day and threw up all my food didn't help either. I drank a lot of water and someone got me soup so at least I kept that in. I'm so hungry it's not even funny, yet I'm so naucious that I'm afraid to eat. I will try to eat some pasta, I hope I'll keep it in. I tried to call Angel but she's really angry and wouldn't answer, so I couldn't tell her that I was sick. I've had some pretty hefty stomach aches before but this beats it all. I took some painkillers now and maybe trying to eat again and sleeping a bit will make it better. I don't know. I'm too weak to do anything else.

And the way I feel in my head gets worse every day as well. I'm like zomby. I don't feel much anymore, only sadness. I've been like this for a week now and it only gets worse. All I wanna do is sleep and go to work because there I'm at least useful. When I run around doing stuff I can forget all the shit in my head.

...

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Stopped counting bump-ins

If you're non-dutch, please ignore the post below :D It's just very accurate, it's so freaky.

I don't know what to write. I wish I could put down all the things I have in my head, but I can't. I also wish I wouldn't forget all those things in my head but I'm sure I will. It's frustrating. It's like you had an amazing dream and you wish you could remember it in detail but it's slipping away more and more until you can't even remember the feelings you had in the dream. It's like a plane in the sky, so far away that you can't see it when you look directly at it, but you can make it out when you look next to it, yet can't focus. You know it's there but it escapes being pinned down. Did I mention that it's frustrating? I. Can't. Put. It. Into. Words. Crap!

I'll go now and bonk my head into a wall.

Also, I know it frustrates Angel but I just don't think of myself as pretty, good-looking or gorgeous. I just can't. I hate myself, I don't wanna think about it. I kinda block myself out. Then when I'm confronted with people who seem to like me for whatever reason, I get freaked out and get all shy, eventhough I do want attention. I want people to like me, that's what I strive for. Yet when I get attention I feel all uncomfortable. Yet when I don't get attention I get all sad and want someone to notice me again. I'm so screwed up. Nice. :(

Sorry non-dutchos...

Go here: Psycho Test

SAMENVATTING TEMPERAMENT VAN DORIT



Dorit bezit een intense persoonlijkheid die zeer sterk reageert op prikkels, zo sterk dat zij vaak behoefte heeft om zich alleen terug te trekken om niet overbelast te geraken. Je kunt haar vergelijken met een delicaat instrument dat signalen uit de omgeving registreert, maar te sterke signalen moet vermijden om niet beschadigd te geraken.

Prikkels en signalen blijven lang nawerken. Als Dorit bijvoorbeeld een bijeenkomst heeft bijgewoond dan blijft hetgeen zij gehoord en gezien heeft nog lang door haar hoofd spelen.

Dorit is daarom ook niet de persoon die je tijdens een fuif in het middelpunt van de belangstelling zult zien staan. Je hebt veel meer kans haar aan te treffen in een stil hoekje, samen met een paar vrienden. In een groep met collegaâ??s heeft zij er een absolute hekel aan in de schijnwerpers te staan.

Het zou verkeerd zijn uit het bovenstaande te besluiten dat Dorit a-sociaal zou zijn, zij is wel degelijk in staat tot diepgaande sociale omgang, al zal haar aantal vrienden altijd beperkt zijn.

Veel meer dan de gemiddelde persoon heeft Dorit de behoefte om regelmatig alleen te zijn, om haar batterijen terug op te laden.

Dorit is een vriendelijke persoon, die een harmonieus samenleven met anderen veel belangrijker acht dan het streven naar status en macht.

Dorit heeft er geen behoefte aan de baas te spelen of de vedette te zijn, zij staat niet graag in het centrum van de belangstelling. Zij is geen geboren leider, en beveelt trouwens niet graag andere mensen.

Dorit is bescheiden en plaatst zichzelf niet op de voorgrond. Zij lijdt eerder aan zelf-onderschatting, haar zul je zeker nooit horen bluffen. Dorit is niet uit op status en prestige.

Dorit wordt snel verliefd, maar kent veel schroom om haar liefde te verklaren.

Dorit pikt snel nieuwe signalen en kennis op en heeft een wendbare geest, die zeer snel van het ene onderwerp op het andere springt. Zij is zeer leergierig en nieuwsgierig, zij heeft een grote honger naar nieuwe kennis en inzichten, zij wil op de eerste plaats de wereld om zich heen in al zijn verbanden begrijpen. Zij loopt ook vaak te filosoferen. Zij heeft ook moeite om lange tijd na elkaar het zelfde te doen. In plaats van dingen telkens weer op de vertrouwde manier te doen, zal zij liever nieuwe wegen uitproberen. Zij beschikt trouwens over een merkwaardig grote capaciteit om van mening te veranderen.

Het gevaar bestaat dat Dorit telkens weer door iets nieuws geobsedeerd wordt, hier dan alles over wil weten, maar uiteindelijk met deze kennis niets doet omdat zich alweer een nieuw interessant onderwerp aandient. Typisch voor Dorit is ook dat zij nauwelijks geniet van een behaald succes : in gedachten is zij reeds lang bezig met de volgende uitdaging.

Dorit is echter niet iemand die zich gemakkelijk zal laten gaan. Zij bezit een beheerste, zelfs geremde persoonlijkheid, altijd en overal wil zij zichzelf onder controle houden. Dorit heeft het moeilijk om zich volledig te ontspannen.

Dorit streeft ernaar haar opties zolang mogelijk open te houden, en zal daarom belangrijke beslissingen zo lang mogelijk uitstellen.

Dorit is niet iemand die gemakkelijk en impulsief beslissingen neemt. Het is alsof zij telkens bij haar onbewuste te rade moet alvorens iets te beslissen, in plaats van terug te kunnen vallen op routine en gewoonte. Hierdoor verbruikt zij enorme hoeveelheden geestelijke energie, en riskeert volledig uitgeput en zelfs chronisch vermoeid te geraken.

Dorit is meer toekomst-gericht dan de gemiddelde persoon. Omdat zij zozeer gericht is op de toekomst en op de vooruitgang is zij dan ook helemaal niet bang om oud te worden, integendeel, zij ziet de rijpheid van de latere levensfaze met belangstelling tegemoet.

Dorit is niet gericht op genieten noch op materiële zaken ( maar heeft toch vaak veel moeite om oude zaken weg te doen ).

Dorit houdt van haar vrijheid. Voor haar betekent vrijheid niet : onbeperkt te kunnen genieten, ook niet : te kunnen doen wat zij wil, maar wel : vrij te zijn van de zorgen van alledag, om zich volledig te kunnen wijden aan wat haar werkelijk interesseert, aan haar projecten op lange termijn.

Wanneer Dorit geconfronteerd wordt met grote problemen en stress, dan verliest zij haar eetlust, wordt zij futloos en inactief, en weigert zij opgebeurd te worden door derden. Zij moet tijd en gelegenheid krijgen dit in haar eentje te verwerken en te overdenken, dit is haar enige uitweg uit het probleem. Zij is niet de persoon die dan onmiddellijk actie zal ondernemen, of hulp en troost gaat zoeken bij derden, ook niet bij haar partner. Het gevaar bestaat dat zij in tijden van crisis niet snel genoeg die acties treft die zich opdringen.

Dorit is bijzonder gevoelig voor pijn. Zelfs een douche met koude water kan haar al de adem afsnijden. En zij kan bij manier van spreken de pijn reeds voelen als zij de tandarts nog maar ziet naderen ! Op lichamelijk gebied is zij niet erg dapper.

Dorit is waarschijnlijk geen goede zangeres. Enerzijds is haar stem te geremd vanwege niet ontspannen genoeg, maar anderzijds concentreert zij zich ook té erg op het zingen zelf, bijvoorbeeld uit angst om fouten te maken, waardoor de stem de nodige souplesse mist.

Dorit is bijzonder taalbewust, en heeft een grote verering voor het woord. Zij heeft er een hekel aan een brief met taalfouten te ontvangen. Zelf is zij iemand die veel tijd besteedt om een tekst te schrijven, omdat zij constant haar woorden wikt en weegt, erom bezorgd om haar gedachten zo precies mogelijk te formuleren.

Mensen als Dorit geven jou vaak de indruk dat er diep in hen de échte persoon zit, dat je niet met henzelf aan het praten bent maar met een soort tussen-persoon, terwijl de échte persoon diep in zichzelf met iets anders bezig is, iets wat wél belangrijk is. Samenleven met mensen als Dorit is interessant maar ook gecompliceerd, in elk geval nooit saai.

Op belangrijke ogenblikken maakt Dorit vaak een onbeholpen eerste indruk, vooral bij belangrijke personen en bij personen van wie zij iets moet bekomen , omdat zij te gespannen is.

Dorit heeft een grote capaciteit om zichzelf weg te cijferen en haar wensen op de achtergrond te plaatsen voor haar dierbaren.

Dorit heeft een hekel aan kabaal lawaai. Zelf spreekt zij stil, als het ware alleen gericht tot de persoon waarmee zij spreekt.

Dorit mijdt uitdagende en gevaarlijke situaties, maar ook sterke fysieke prikkels zoals bijvoorbeeld fel zonlicht.

Soms kan Dorit geplaagd worden door een onbestemde angst, een niet te verklaren dreiging dat haar een groot onheil boven het hoofd hangt.

Dorit is een uitstekende psycholoog, die zich goed kan inleven in de situatie van een ander. Zij is dan ook een uitstekend raadgever waarbij men altijd terecht kan.

Dorit beschikt over zeer veel gevoel voor humor, omdat zij zichzelf zeer goed weet te relativeren, en omdat zij over een zeer wendbare geest beschikt.

Dorit is zeker geen durf-al. Zij heeft een afkeer van gokken en van andere onnodige risicoâ??s. Zij heeft ook een afschuw van fysiek gevaarlijke situaties, op dit gebied is zij minder dapper dan de gemiddelde persoon. Bij folteringen zou zij onmiddellijk door de knieën gaan. Zij kan over het algemeen slecht tegen pijn.

Dorit is een uitstekend diplomaat, die voorzichtig aftast hoe de gevoeligheden liggen vooraleer een uitspraak te doen. Zij is zeer gewetensvol in het doen van uitspraken en het nemen van beslissingen. Zij zal beslissingen van anderen ook niet zomaar uitvoeren zonder eerst zelf de nodige afwegingen te maken, en zal ze zeker niet uitvoeren als zij het er moreel niet mee eens is. Je zou dus kunnen zeggen dat zij een slechte militair is.

Dorit maakt zich niet snel kwaad, is niet aggressief, is geen vechtjas, is geen competitie-beest. Machtspelletjes zijn haar vreemd, en wreedheid kent zij niet. Dorit schroomt zich zelfs vaak duidelijk voor haar rechten op te komen.

Dorit is eerder beschouwend ingesteld dan gericht op de actie. Zij is niet iemand die onmiddellijk zal reageren als een nieuwe situatie zich aandient, zij neemt de nodige tijd om zich hierover een mening te vormen. Zij zit misschien vaak te dagdromen, en heeft in elk geval veel aandacht voor wat zich binnen haar afspeelt.

Misschien mist Dorit wel gedrevenheid en is zij eerder aan de luie kant. Zij kan misschien wel goed werken, maar heeft toch vaak een duwtje in de rug nodig om gestart te geraken.

Dorit is een gevoelige en sentimentele persoon ( bij een sentimentele film komen de traantjes snel te voorschijn ), en beschikt zeker niet over een olifantenhuid, er is integendeel gevaar dat zij té lichtgeraakt is.

Dorit stelt intimiteit erg op prijs, je zult haar waarschijnlijk nooit aantreffen op een naaktstrand. Zij houdt ook van knusheid en gezelligheid, en kan slecht tegen ontberingen.

Dorit zal vaak toegevingen doen om de sfeer goed te houden. In een relatie is zij flexibel en bereid om water in de wijn te doen. Zij is niet iemand die per definitie uitgaat van haar eigen gelijk.

Zij houdt haar opties liefst ook zo lang mogelijk open. Hierdoor worden beslissingen lang uitgesteld, vaak te lang, waardoor interessante mogelijkheden verloren gaan.

Dorit heeft waarschijnlijk een slechte ruimtelijke oriëntatie, zij zal al eens verloren lopen of de weg kwijt raken in een grote stad.

Intuitie

Dorit steunt sterk op haar intuitie. Voor de keuze gesteld tussen een aantal mogelijkheden heeft zij bijvoorbeeld snel door welke wegen wel en welke wegen niet tot een oplossing zullen leiden. Zij is ook principieel wantrouwig ten opzichte van algemeen aanvaarde waarheden, alsook ten opzichte van alles wat zij hoort of leest in de pers : zij houdt er voortdurend rekening mee dat dit wel eens niet de waarheid zou kunnen zijn.

Dorit geeft vaak een verstrooide indruk, omdat zij in gedachten verzonken aan iets anders aan het denken is. Op het bureau van Dorit zul je waarschijnlijk heel wat stapels met dossiers aantreffen waaraan zij dezer dagen aan het werken is. En als zij iets waarneemt dan heeft zij meer aandacht voor het totale beeld dan voor de individuele details, die haar daarom vaak zullen ontsnappen.

De prioriteit van Dorit ligt in de toekomst, eerder dan in het genieten van het hier-en-nu. Typisch is dat Dorit zelfs moeite heeft om te kunnen genieten van een overwinning waarvoor zij lang gevochten heeft - zij is immers in gedachten reeds bezig met de volgende uitdaging.

Rede en gevoel

Bij het nemen van belangrijke beslissingen laat Dorit - misschien meer dan zij zelf meent - haar gevoelens een minstens even grote rol spelen als haar verstand.

Als advocaat zou Dorit nooit zware misdadigers willen verdedigen, ook al begrijpt zij dat zij evenzeer recht hebben op een verdediging. Dorit is ook best bereid iets door de vingers te zien of een oogje dicht te knijpen uit medelijden, om een zwakkere partij te bevoordelen. Dorit ziet er zeer tegen op de waarheid aan iemand te vertellen als zij vooraf weet dat deze persoon hierdoor gekwetst zal zijn of hieronder zal lijden. Om dezelfde reden gaat Dorit ook te vaak discussies uit de weg.

Eten en drinken

Dorit moet frequent eten en drinken, omdat de honger snel en scherp op komt. Zij heeft behoefte aan veel calorieën in verhouding tot het lichaamsgewicht, omdat de spijsvertering niet optimaal functioneert, waarbij er weinig gevaar is voor het bijwinnen van kiloâ??s. Zij heeft vooral behoefte aan vlees, daarzonder is haar maaltijd niet compleet.

Dorit kan slecht tegen alcohol, het kan haar een enorme kater opleveren waardoor zij â??s anderendaags morgens ongeveer waardeloos is. Er is zeer weinig gevaar voor alcoholisme. Zij kan ook slecht tegen zware tabak : het veroorzaakt een snellere hartslag, duizeligheid en gewichtsverlies.

Slapen en dromen

Dorit is een typische avond-mens. Zij geraakt â??s avonds moeilijk in haar bed en kan er â??s morgens zo mogelijk nog moeilijker uit. Zij is een slechte slaper en heeft daarom veel slaap nodig, meer dan de gemiddelde persoon. Zelfs in haar slaap is zij nooit helemaal ontspannen. Zij droomt frequent en haar droomleven is goed ontwikkeld. Er is een kans dat zij vanaf middelbare leeftijd alcohol of andere middelen nodig heeft om in slaap te geraken.

Een wilde gok : Lichaam en gezondheid

Vaak zijn personen van dit type op lichamelijk gebied gekenmerkt door : een enigszins gebogen houding, ronde schouders, smalle polsen en lange, slanke handen, en dun haar. Ze hebben een late puberteit. Zij zien er jonger uit dan hun leeftijd en voelen zich ook jonger. Hun huid is droog en heeft een fijne textuur. Wellicht heeft het voorkomen iets aristocratisch.

De kans is klein dat Dorit een sterk en atletisch lichaam heeft. Zij is misschien niet echt sportief aangelegd. Als zij al aan sport doet, dan kost dit haar veel energie, veel meer dan het haar oplevert.

Dorit heeft geen last van claustrofobie ( misschien wel van pleinvrees ), heeft weinig last van acne, en er is weinig gevaar voor acute appendicitis. Zij heeft waarschijnlijk last van haarroos. Zij heeft een snelle pols en een eerder lage bloeddruk, kan waarschijnlijk goed zien in het donker, en loopt weinig risico op een acute appendicitis noch op kanker noch op hart- en vaatziekten. De kans is groot dat Dorit lang leeft !


Waarschijnlijk zijn ook een behoorlijk aantal van de volgende uitspraken van toepassing :

- gevaar voor afhangende schouders
- relatief lange ledematen
- relatief zwakke boven-armen en -benen
- relatief klein aangezicht
- dunne, zwakke hals
- huid is dun en droog met fijne plooitjes
- haar is zeer fijn, heeft de neiging in alle richtingen te groeien en is moeilijk te kammen
- geen aanleg tot kaalheid
- zwakke pols, moeilijk te vinden
- huid is bleek, verbrandt gemakkelijk en vervelt dan onmiddellijk
- smalle heupen
- niet-geprononceerde kin

Ook de volgende uitspraken zijn tamelijk populair bij mensen van dit type

Ik ben nogal pessimistisch. Ik stel vaak acties uit omdat ik twijfel aan de goede afloop.
Ik heb veel behoefte om alleen te zijn, en vaak gaat dit ten koste van mijn sociale contacten.
Ik heb regelmatig moeite om beslissingen te nemen omdat ik bang ben om fouten te maken.
Ik vind het vaak moeilijk om beslissingen te nemen, als het over andere mensen gaat.
Ik hou van een ontspannen en rustig leven, zonder veel onverwachte wendingen.
Ik wacht doorgaans té lang om hulp te vragen.
Mijn ideaal huis heeft meer weg van een toevluchtsoord dan van een open ontmoetingsplaats.
De meeste mensen bedoelen het misschien wel goed, maar toch voel ik mij vaak verkeerd begrepen.
Meestal zie ik alle kanten van een probleem, met het gevaar dat ik dan moeilijker kan kiezen tussen tegengestelde meningen.
Ik word liever met rust gelaten, zodat ik mij met mijn eigen projecten kan bezighouden.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Welll...

Feel bored? Do this: A.I.

I wanna argue with the stupid A.I.:


You were thinking of a tree.
Is it used for communications? You said Sometimes, I say No. (people used to write on the trees with markings to mark paths etc... I'd call that communication)
Do most people use this daily? You said Unknown, I say No. (How am I supposed to know... guys use it as a bathroom way too often...)
Is it used in a sport? You said Yes, I say No. (ever seen a bmxer "walltap" a tree? It's ruthless but it's a sport nonetheless)
Does it make sound? You said Yes, I say No. (yes... and I don't mean the wind in the leaves, I mean the branches and the bark that is squeaking)
Can you play with it? You said Sometimes, I say No. (I used to play with trees as a kid... like as if they were a person)
Is it heavy? You said Depends, I say Yes. (tiny little baby trees aren't heavy)
Does it contain a liquid? You said Unknown, I say Yes. (it has water in it... I'd call that liquid)
Is it multicolored? You said Depends, I say Yes. (a dead tree is just plain dead no multicolor anything)
Does it come from something larger? You said Yes, I say No. (d'uh it comes from earth... I'd call that something larger)
Is it heavier than a pound of butter? You said Depends, I say Yes. (again with the small trees)
Does it move? You said Sometimes, I say No. (it grows, therefore it moves... like when it grows toward the sun etc... it moves slow... but it does move)


So.... I think the A. I. lacks imagination...

***

At work I'm totally out of motivation... It's just all so blah!!! I notice everyday that they need me... so then I get going again but I really just wanna stay home and sulk.
Today I had a little experiment going on. I was wearing a very sexy top, the kind that makes your boobs 3x as big... as I am a naive idjit I said to Angel last night "people won't treat me different"... haha well guess again. I knew people in general would stare at my chest more... but I didn't expect people that have known me for 4 months now to keep staring. Like they've never noticed my boobs before. I was asked today "are you sure you're gay?" by a female collegue, as if that has anything to do with my looks. I kinda enjoyed the extra nice-ness of guys, though. They were ever so helpful... I mean they are already always nice to me, but today was extreme... haha so eventhough I don't wanna look into their head, their help was appreciated... so it doesn't quite count as UMA. The UFA on the other hand... see people at work know that I only like girls... nonetheless I got the feeling that women where jealous. They gave me poison looks etc, especially when a dude was being helpful... and then again there's the females who do give you that other kind of attention, most of them utter dykes... *ugh* and one of them a freak person on a stare-marathon. freak So anyways... no more boob-showing-offing from me. I just wanted to try it and since I'll be leaving this job I took the risk. Besides that... the shoes I borrowed from Angel to wear today gave me multiple so many blisters!!! Ouch!!! Never again... gimme back my TEVA sandals!!!

Hmmm other than that there's not anything new. All other projects are on hold until I start my new job. The only thing I can plan right now is the food for my birthday party. :D

Monday, July 19, 2004

Another monday... make the blahness end!

You think your days are uneventful
And no one ever thinks about you
She goes her own way
She goes her own way
You say your days are ordinary
And no one ever thinks about you
But we're all the same
And she can hardly breathe without you

- "She has no time" - Keane


I love the Keane album... can't you tell? I used my cute little MD player all day today... it's just so awesome! :D Teehee. :) Anyways, so apparently wearing t-shirts with the number 3 on them is "in" right now. And punching my chair when you walk by as well. Next week will be my last week at this job and on the weekend will be my birthday party. I've never really had a party of my own (yes, up to teenager years at home, but just in family etc) but this time I also have to do all the planning and cooking etc and as disturbing as it sounds, I'm really looking forward to it! I'm already looking at cake recipes and snack ideas... I'm such a housewife :D I have my birthday off (july 30th) to clean the house and stuff... nice way to spend your birthday but I don't have time for that otherwise... :P

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Freak movie!!!!

darkwaterAhhhhh... okay so I'm a baby but what else is new? "Honogurai mizu no soko kara" ("Dark Water") by Hideo Nakata (also known as the man behind "Ringu") had me jumping to the ceiling tonight. I swear... I was clinging to the couch like a maniac!!! This japanese horror movie is not bloody or full of slice-'em action, it's the subtle creep elements that made the Kuschi scared! Like when a character in the film is in a room and you hear nothing... and then all of a sudden you see a dark figure in the corner of the room together with an earie music. In this movie a cute little red plastic bag with a bunny on it had me scream! The bad thing is that like they did with "Ring" the stupid Americans are remaking this one as well. Everytime Americans try to remake a Japanese Horror movie they screw up the whole meaning and scariness of it and replace it with their wierd hollywood style high tech effects and fast cuts. So if you plan on watching "Dark Water", which I can recommend, then rent the original version and make sure you are not alone when you watch this. Now... tomorrow I will buy bottled water since after this movie I will never ever again drink water out of the tab.

bag

***

On different news, today was the first real summer day of this year. It didn't last long, we got huge thunderstorms around 5 p.m. which even injured some people. Hefty stuff it was. I did make myself happy today, though, by finally buying a MD-player!!! To be precise Sony Net MD Walkman MZ-N510. So. Kuschi = happy. :-D See... Angel is gonna wait for the sony version of the I-pod since it's gonna be even better than the I-pod and cheaper... yet it's going to remain an mp3 player. I hate the sound quality of mp3s. Especially in accustic music. I like MD-players because their file format allows much higher quality. I also thing that the mini-discs are nifty. So there, I'm being all shallow. :P
Tomorrow we're going to try and finally see Shrek 2. I hope I won't regret it since I still can't really laugh yet. The swelling has gone down and the pain as well but now I'm stuck with a giant green bruise on the left side of my chin. Will it ever end? And to think that I will have to go through this again at the end of August with the other two teeth? On top of all that I seem to have eaten something really, really wrong since this afternoon I was plagued with sudden cramps followed by some cruciating and uncofortable time in the bathroom. Nice. Haven't done that since my stomach flu 3,5 years ago. Reminds me of the fact that I'm still human. Filthy, stinking human. Bah! Oh well... at least I'm still alive and not rotting away in a dirty water tank. *shudders*

Friday, July 16, 2004

Okay that's it.

Although they've just bombed a whole country and killeds hundreds of thousands of innocent civillians because of "weapons of mass destruction" that weren't there to begin with, they are now developing even bigger and worse bombs themselves... Now where is the country that will bomb the USA and make a giant ground zero (seems to be their favourite word anyways) out of the whole goddam fucking country!!! I know there's many Americans who do love their country and the people in it, and who don't stand behind the crap the government does and I feel really sorry for them, but let's face it. There were many Germans against the nazis... heck my own great-grand father was in prison camp because he opposed the nazis but nevertheless us germans still get the blame today for what a bunch of Austrians started so I guess I'm allowed to generalize Americans.

I can't believe they're still making it worse. I can't believe there still is a "worse" (well besides blowing up the whole world) THOSE GODDAM FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!! Here they go around the world bombing any country who "has bombs" which we all know is BS anyways and it's all about money, but how do they justify killing people and wiping out whole countries for things the Americans themselves are doing??? I. DON'T. GET. IT. Why does nobody do anything???? And then they have the guts to tell Germany to stick their application for a permanent security council seat in the place where the sun don't shine... sorry for my red-neck accent but I guess I got inspired. Seriously! And they give as a reason that before Germany was heading the council for this period they didn't have a problem "negotiating" with Europe about the ICC. Well guess what! Germany has the guts to stand up to the tyranny of the USA. I have always been ashamed of my country but since they took a stand for what is right I'm proud of them. Germans are still capitalists and most people in high positions still only care for money, yet they learned a long time ago that it's not worth the lives of people. Their greed does not go as far as taking the lives of the innocent around the world.

...

I don't really know what to write... I'm so angry and I want to say so much but in the end what good would it do? The good American people are doing their best. In the end it won't matter because the republicans are just gonna cheat again at the elections and nobody will question it again and the average American is so brain washed that they stand behind their president no matter what he does and no matter how much he destroy their country. So there is no use. I just wish that in the end we'll survive. I do not want the USA to bomb us because we make better Ozone measure systems or something like that... as far as I can see their reasons for attacking and wiping out other countries are getting more and more trivial. So who knows for what reason but I'm sure the day will come that one of those weapons that the USA is working on at this moment will be dropped on us.

Have a nice night.


Thursday, July 15, 2004

Sigur Rós' new single

You can listen to the new Sigur Rós Single here: BaBa TiKi DiDo

Sigur Ros

It's flash so it should start playing on its own. The song is really cool!!! I love it!!! I can't wait till they have a new album out!!! Now I remember again why Sigur Rós are my favourite band :) The music kind of fits my blog design :D It's also good to leave it runnning in the background :)

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Day 2

So the pain got less but my cheek became HUGE! I look like a hideous freak-monster!!! All crooked an fat-faced :( Also I'm still woozy and generally feel so weak that I doubt that I can even walk the dogs. :( I'm even getting tired from just typing this... :(

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

So... um.... OUTCH!!

:( I know I'm this little miss Sissy and all... but outchie!!!! With the top one I didn't feel anything but when they "pulled" the bottom one... they had to drill it free... that's a normal scenario... but man did it hurt. Right now I'm still on the sedation but it will wear off sooner or later and then I'm stuck with regular painkillers... oh well... I guess the worst is over... :( I have to go back for my other 2 teeth at the end of August.

Oh well.. now I'll think of fun things to do and rest... maybe sleep until the real pain comes... :(

bye now... :(

Monday, July 12, 2004

Well that was a nice waste of a Monday afternoon

It turns out Internet Explorer cannot handle the simplest thing like a rowspan="2". It's a freaking table... now I had to adjust the code in a way that even the stupid moronic IE will be able to tell how big a cell should be... Argh! See... I learned real html at school.. that's what I went there for... I validated this page (taken out the errors that Haloscan and the javascript produce) and there was nothing wrong with my table. Internet Explorer just decides to stretch out 3 cells that have a fixed size and no content that does stretch... makes sense...

So the down side is now that I have an empty space on the left, right under the tree... oh well.. at least now it's cross-browser compatible... It was a simple one-table setup to begin with and I shouldn't have to sit here and find an alternative to a perfectly legal script.

*%^&@%$#&*#@!*

Okay... I feel better now.

This morning I got rained on.... bad... like really bad! I was soaked to my underwear!!! So I sat there with my wet clothes (of course I didn't bring any spare pants) and guess what... since our department and team got split up to make room for some stupid braindead other department who decided to turn up the airco on this beautiful, 15 degress under normal temperature, rained-up monday morning I'm convinced I'll be getting the flu. DARN! The thing is that I'm left up there with only 4 other people, who I like loads but who will still be scattered. Then these new people march in, first thing they say to us is "you aren't supposed to sit there"... not a single good morning.. and guess what... we were damn well supposed to sit there! So we stayed there. Then the radio had to be turned off (wel turned down to a volume that even my ears couldn't hear anymore) because the new people are "on the phone with customers all day and hard-working". No big fucking surprise it turns out all they do during a working day is chat with each other about who slept with who and in a volume that overpowers every other sound in the office and answer 3 phone calls, 2 of which are private. It makes me so angry. Our team was the best team in our department. We worked together really well, there was team spirit, we had fun but still got loads of work done. Then one day our teamleader and our senior are both on vacation, we are left supervisor-less and what happens, some other teamleader from a different team decides to put 90% of our team 11 floors down with a notice of 4 days. I didn't want to go naturally so I said that if I had to go I'd quit right away. It worked. I mean I'm only there for another 2 weeks but at least now I'm still in the environment and some of the people I like. It sucks that 12 of my collegues are now somewhere else and that we have to answer all their phonecalls (yes, WE actually do get phonecalls) since down where they got sent off to, they of course have no usuable phones.

I know it's no use getting angry since I'm gone over 2 weeks... yet my collegues are all distraught that after all the time they've worked there (some of them for years) they get treated like this... just stuffed away somewhere... with total disregard for what they might think. Welcome to the world... nobody gives a damn!!!

Okay... I feel better now :)

Sunday, July 11, 2004

I don't know what came over me...

EDIT: Apparently Internet Explorer fucks up the entire site... I still have not found out why... goddam shit thing!!! It's a normal singel table with only one single rowspan=2... not very hard... that's all there is to it but no... IE fucks it up of course!!! ARHG!!!

I recommend to use Firefox anyways!!!!!

I'm sorry if I put some of you in shock with this... I know it's quite extreme in the fantasy department... I just felt that the blahness needed to be fought...

I'd like to hear comments, but don't count on me changing anything for you. I will still kind of adapt the style sheet... I'm not sure... and maybe screw around with the link section. I dunno.

Isn't it weird.. I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow... since it gives me something to do and not sit here and be anxious.

I'm having pain now in my jaw again... it feels like the close-lock I had a year ago but I think something's swollen and that something will get ripped out on Tuesday anyways. So no need to worry... it's very painfull, though... and if it's any indication of what I will feel like after the cutting out of my teeth I'm sure I'll be out for a couple of days... which is not so good since I was planning on going to Amsterdam the day right after and back to work on Thursday... I'll see how I feel... scary, though.

Oh well... no use fretting about it.

Other than that Angel is watching "Sense & Sensibility" which brings back old memories of my teenage crush on Kate Winslet. I haven't spoken to my parents in ages since they seem to be on vacation still and getting closer and closer to a big change in my life which doesn't help my anxiety. I shouldn't whine, though, so I'll shut up.

Friday, July 09, 2004

The Kuschi that can never be:



I wish!

And here the ultimate uber Kuschi... if I looked like that I could be the coolest Kuschi in the world!!!



Make your own doll [ HERE ]

53P

hmmm

Hmmm it's finally weekend and the blahness has not subsided. I will go and sleep now... I think I might be sick or something... I nearly fainted at work today... I was so dizzy and naucious... I know I'm a big sissy/whiner but this time I really don't feel good at all. The whole day I felt like crying and I have anciety thingies where it's washing over me all hot and cold at the same time and I get sweaty palms and sick to my stomach and I need to sit down and take a deep breath. People at work worried because my face color changed constantly between pale and flushed. Besides that my stomach has been hurting since yesterday. So I dunno... I think maybe I just need a vacation.... :(

Thursday, July 08, 2004

The Blahest Blah of the Blahs...

Darn.. I feel so blah and I can't place why... maybe because next Tuesday 2 of my wisdom teeth will be taken out and I'm all anxcious because people just won't stop telling me horror stories. Maybe it's also that I like the people I work with now and eventhough the whole section is being split up and sold anyways and I'm off to a better-paid and relaxter job I will miss the atmosphere and the people. I can't really describe it. It's weird because I know that I I wouldn't really do stuff outside of work with those people, but at work it just all fits together. So I also know once I leave that'll be it. I'm sure I'll have nice colleages at the new job as well... but I'm sure I'll miss working with Dutch women... :( I dunno maybe there's other reason why I'm so apprehensive... I just know that I lost weight and that I'm thirsty all the time. I now finally drink my 2 litres of water a day... which makes me have to go pee a lot which in return makes me all nervous again...

Oooh... boy I'm such a mess... like a giddy little Kuschi who just can't sit still... with the difference that on the outside I do sit still since I'm so exhausted that I can't move anymore... In one word: BLAH!

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Another day like so many others...

I know what to call my children if I ever have any. In case of a boy: Merijn and in case of a girl: Pandora. The latter is really cool because it sounds special and dramatic and it has my name in it kind of... when you go back into greek history and stuff those two names are from the same origin. And Merijn is the Dutch name for Merry from Lord of the Rings and the nephew of a really good friend of ours is also called that.

:D I know if we ever have kids we'd adopt them and then they come with a name... :( Oh well...

Monday, July 05, 2004

I'm gonna post the whole list...

The rules are: bold what you've seen all the way through; italicize what you've seen part of; underline what you own; add three of your own

Oh and movies in italics also pretty much means that I thought the movie sucked and that's why I stoped watching it :p

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. M
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. Baseketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Saftey of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Walking Across Egypt
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead
65. The Night Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
67. Battle Royale
68. Kill Bill Vol. 2
69. Fight Club
70. Ocean's Eleven
71. Interview with a Vampire
72. Bubble Boy
73. Newsies
74. Master and Commander
75. Tom and Huck
76. Harry Potter and the Sorcers Stone
77. Men In Black
78. Shrek 2
79. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
80. Empire Records
81. Peter Pan
82. Four Weddings and a Funeral
83. Much Ado About Nothing
84. Alien
85. Amélie
86. Kiki's Delivery Service
87. Lost and Delirious

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Outch!

Great, so I have stupid blisters on my fingers from playing guitar again after such a long break. All my fingertips on my left hand have white bulges and the inner side of my ring and index fingers are also all swollen from sliding up and down the blues scales... I love my new guitar!! It's the most gorgeous guitar I've ever played... But now I can't because I personafy sissyfication!!! I'm such a loser!!!

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Japanese Bullettrain...

Teehee... when the tefkaak sees something cute and it's only 2 Euros the tefkaak buys it... naturally...
See, Japanese Bullettrain:
ShinkansenShinkansen


And of course they make cutlery for children out of this personified train. And we have it!!!! :P




Tehee.

Shark Tale

shark taleI checked up on that Shark Tale movie and I HAVE to see it!!! Not only does it have the voices of Angelina Jolie wub and Jack Black but also is again the anti version so to speak. The only thing that bothered me about Finding Nemo was that it was all gooey and and unrealistic and stuff... like with all pixar/disney movies... yet Dreamworks always finds a nice counter story... like Shrek and now a fish that lies and a shark that's a vegetarian (which is just too stolen from Nemo but there will always be stealage...).

back to gaya


Another 3D movie that I have to see is Back to GayaIt's a German (!) Production and is supposed to rival studios like pixar and dreamworks in the field of 3D animation. Now all I have to still do is get my hands on that Kaena DVD when we're in France and my 3D movie needs are fullfilled :D

Friday, July 02, 2004

Tralalalalala

Kuschi guitar



There, I couldn't stop myself and I bought myself a new guitar finally! It plays really great and it was the cheapest one! (216,- Euros). The whole day at my soon to be new job place went so well that I was in a sort of a trance happy mode and I've wanted an accustic guitar for 3 years now (since I only have an electric one which is broken anyways) so I just walked into the place and saw it and tried it out and bought it. Good stuff! :)

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Little Kuschi going big.

So tomorrow is another important day in my dream-come-true. Getting all the important information and documents sorted out at the EPO and then a medial checkup for the old/new insurance. See I'm insured with them already through Angel because all big international organisations/companies use them but now I will be written in under my own policy or something. It's good because I will get a complete medical checkup and you don't get them in this country anymore. It will make me feel more at ease to know that everything is alright! :)

I have to make sure to ask about my salary tomorrow. Gross it's around â?¬ 2,450.00 which translates into I don't know how much nett. If it's 30% I will make around â?¬1,700.00 which is still â?¬600.00 more than I make now! But I don't know how much gets taken out for pension funds etc.

So I'm all excited since it means we can move on and stuff. All those things I thought would not happen very soon are now inches away. Maybe once I'm worked in the new job and stuff I will also be more relaxed and will be able to do some 3ding and some webdesigning again. I really miss doing it but right now I don't have the energy. :(