Of These, Hope
By Angel

Part IV: All I Am

Erin walked through the hallways of Voyager, contemplating the changes in her life, as she did so many times. She considered herself the luckiest being that had ever existed. She had gone from a shabby, meaningless existence with the Kad Pu to this, this wonderful marvelous life on Voyager which she was allowed to live as a human being, a race so breathtakingly beautiful, Erin had trouble not staring at herself in a mirror for hours on end, touching and poking her face and body, as a reminder that it was all real.

But most of all, she was thankful for Kathryn Janeway. Erin loved Kathryn beyond anything. And she wanted nothing more than to be around her every moment of the day and to touch her and feel her and look at her. Her beauty continued to mesmerize her. And for some reason that was beyond her comprehension, Kathryn had told her she felt the same way. This had come to quite a shock to Erin, who had been unsuccessfully trying to get Kathryn out of her brain, not allowing herself for a second to think that she could ever have what she wanted.

Erin was afraid Kathryn's love wasn't real, that she was confused with gratitude or a sense of obligation. Erin could not afford to let herself get drawn in by something that wasn't going to work out, she knew that she could never survive the pain that that would cause.

So she had held Kathryn at an arms length for months until she was certain that Kathryn truly loved for who she was and for no other reason than that.

And now, after months of careful caresses and shallow kisses that left Erin trembling with heat like coal on a fire, she felt like she was ready to move on to a more intimate level.

She had asked B'Elanna's help in picking an outfit that would give Kathryn the right message when she arrived for their appointment that night. In the replicator files they had found a black dress that closed tight around Erin's body, leaving her shoulders, arms and stomach visible through the diaphanous fabric. B'Elanna assured her that Kathryn would want to 'eat her alive in that thing' and if not, she could always drop by B'Elanna's quarters and 'get some'.

So here she was, nervous as hell and feeling far too aware of herself, standing in front of Kathryn Janeway's quarters. She heaved a deep sigh, straightened her shoulders and pressed the door chime.

"Dear god, don't you look exceptionally sexy tonight," Kathryn said when Erin entered. "Are you trying to kill me? There are far less painful ways to do that, you know."

"No, I have other plans for you tonight." Erin said with a low voice.

Kathryn got up and walked toward her, grabbing her hands and holding them in her own. Erin felt a chill go through her body at the contact, she almost fainted.

"What kind of plans might those be?" Kathryn asked with a voice so tantalizingly sexy, Erin felt her knees buckle and she had to fight to stay upright. Then she remembered to breathe and that made her feel slightly better.

"Kathryn, I... I'm not sure I will know what to do.. I have never, I mean, not as far as I can remember, done this before."

"You natural instincts will tell you what to do, that's how the human body works."

"I don't find my body functioning properly at all when I'm around you."

"Having trouble breathing, standing straight, remembering who you are?"

"Yes."

"All perfectly normal." Kathryn said, slowly moving her head toward Erin's. "It's what you do to me."

"I am afraid to disappoint you."

"You could never disappoint me."

Their lips were now so close together, Erin could feel Kathryn's breath on her mouth and her next words were spoken directly to Kathryn's lips. "Love you. So much."

Kathryn silenced her with a deep and powerful kiss that literally knocked Erin off her feet. If her arms hadn't somewhat magically wrapped themselves around Kathryn's shoulders, she would no doubt have fallen over. She felt Kathryn's hands on her back, rubbing her, scratching her nails down the length of her back toward her waist. Erin felt every touch shimmering like a burn mark on her skin and she could not imagine surviving this evening. She felt lightheaded and once again reminded herself to breathe.

"Come with me," Kathryn whispered and guided her to the bedroom.

"I'd hate to get you out of that gorgeous dress, but I would really like to see you naked." Kathryn told her.

Erin felt her cheeks flush and Kathryn helped her out of her dress. She was unsure of what to do next, felt terribly self conscious. Kathryn smiled at her and said "You are stunning." Which made Erin feel even more insecure.

Kathryn took off her own clothes as well, grabbed Erin's hand and guided her to the bed. Erin could not believe her own senses when she was lying down next to Kathryn and felt her soft skin touch her own. It sent little tingles all over her body. Kathryn kissed her again, so deep, so full of passion, Erin concluded that memory or no, she had never felt this before. Kathryn let her tongue slide over Erin's teeth and carefully nibbled on her bottom lip. She softly moaned as she cupped Erin's breast, kneading it and rubbing her thumb over the hardened nipple.

They lay kissing and exploring each others body for a while until Kathryn told Erin to turn around and lie on her stomach. Erin was surprised but did as she was told. Kathryn straddled over her, Erin could feel her wetness in the nape of her back. The sensation between her legs became almost unbearable, burning and yearning as Kathryn rubbed her hands over her back and squeezed her shoulders. She bent down and kissed Erin's neck, giving her love bites and licking her. Erin shuddered and wondered how it was possible that she was still conscious. Kathryn stretched out, carefully lowered herself on Erin, her hands working their way down to where Erin needed them the most.

Immediately after she felt Kathryn's fingers slip into the copious amount of moisture that had gathered between her legs, Erin felt herself overtaken by a feeling that she could not possibly describe, but that left her shivering and powerless, her heart pounding in her chest. Kathryn leaned forward and kissed her neck, moving her mouth toward Erin's ear and whispered "You will learn how to make that last a lot longer."

Erin gasped, her mouth refusing to form comprehensive speech. She could still feel her heart hammering but the rest of her body felt remarkably more relaxed. She slowly regained her sense of self and turned around to face Kathryn. "Thank you," she said, tears welling up in her eyes, "thank you so much for existing, for being in my life, for loving me. I could not possibly feel happier than I do right now."

"Neither could I, my love," Kathryn said as she gathered Erin up in her arms.

They lay silent for a while, enjoying each others closeness and letting their bodies regain strength. It wasn't before long however, that Kathryn began nibbling Erin's earlobe and rubbing her stomach, slowly moving upward until she once again cupped her breast and played with Erin's nipple. She wrapped her legs around Erin's thigh and pressed her wet center against it. Erin gasped at the sensation. Kathryn continued to kiss her neck and ear, playing with her nipple which was starting to pleasantly ache, and rubbing herself up against her thigh, faster and faster until she tensed up and spasmed, letting out little cries before she relaxed again.

Erin turned to face Kathryn and stroked the soft skin of her face, enjoying the sensations that shot through her body as she did so. She lifted herself up in her elbow so she could study Kathryn's face better. She enjoyed watching the sparkles in her slate blue eyes and the smile that played around her lips.

"I'm going to kiss you some more," she stated.

Kathryn smiled broadly. "I was hoping you would."

Erin leaned down and carefully kissed Kathryn's lips, exploring her mouth with her tongue. She used her free hand to touch Kathryn's breast, rubbing her palm against the hardened nipple. Their legs became tangled again and Erin could feel the heat emanating from between Kathryn's legs which excited her no end. She slowly moved her mouth to Kathryn's breast and her hand down to the source of the heat. Kathryn let out a cry and arched her back as Erin carefully explored the soft, wet softness her hand had found. She had never in her life felt anything like it before and was exhilarated at the responses she was getting from Kathryn.

Erin let her fingers slide in between the soft layers of skin, probing a little further as time progressed. She soon found there was a way in and wondered what would happen if she...

"Aaaahh...." Kathryn whimpered next to her and Erin took this as an encouraging sign to slide her fingers further inside. As she did so, she felt a new rush of juices flowing over her hand and her instinct told her she was doing the right thing. She used her thumb to explore further and quickly discovered a little nub at the top or the crease which made Kathryn scream when she touched it. Enjoying the reactions she got, she continued to rub her thumb over the little nubbin as her fingers pumped in and out her partners body.

Kathryn lifted her hips off the bed encouraging Erin to increase her pace which she promptly did. Not long after Kathryn's body tensed up, then spasmed, then relaxed again. She let out a sigh and said "I can't believe how good you make me feel."

"And I can't believe how good it makes me feel to be able to do this to you. The human body is a lot more than just beautiful!" Erin concluded, wondering how people ever got anything done. She couldn't imagine leaving this bed, and Kathryn's warm wet body, if her life depended on it.

Kathryn laughed and rolled Erin over on her back. "You have seen nothing yet, baby," she said teasingly. Erin raised her brow. "There's more?"

"Hell, yes," Kathryn answered, "but you'll discover all that in due time. For now, I think I will just devour you."

"Oh..." Erin squeaked as Kathryn straddled her and started licking her face. She had clearly underestimated the good use of a tongue. Kathryn moved over her in a slow, teasing pace, their breasts rubbing against each other, her tongue sliding over Erin's face and neck, nibbling her nose and chin along the way. Kathryn had grabbed Erin's hands, holding them above her head, which left her pleasantly defenseless against Kathryn's ministrations.

Kathryn moved down, rolling her tongue around Erin's nipples, then sucking them inside and carefully biting them. Erin once again felt a burning sensation between her legs, almost screaming at her to be touched. She wiggled her legs, urging Kathryn down, which she obediently did, sliding her hands over her arms down to her breasts, licking her belly button, slowly circling around her tummy and lower still. Erin held her breath, anticipating what was about to happen, but not knowing how good it would feel.

She spread her legs, granting her lover more access. Kathryn nibbled teasingly along the sides of her thighs, which Erin found almost unbearingly tantalizing. But then she felt the warm wet tongue licking her center and thought for sure this would kill her.

"Aaaaahhh...," she whimpered, "Oooohh god..."

Kathryn continued to lick her, lapping up her juices and probing her tongue inside Erin's flesh. She moved her hands under Erin's buttocks, lifting her under body up so she could reach deeper inside.

Erin lost all sense of the world around her. All she could feel was the sensation between her legs which was sending ripples of pleasure through her body. The spasms got more intense when Kathryn placed her mouth around that nubbin and sucked it in, flicking her tongue over it. This was altogether too much to bear for Erin whose body convulsed at the sensations, her mind blanked out, her thoughts focussing on just one thing: release. A final wave went through her and she regained control of herself, slowly recovering from the intense feelings that Kathryn has set off in her, wondering how it was possible that she was still alive.

"Kathryn...," she rasped more than said, her throat was dry and her breath was coming in ragged gasps. "I don't think I can take any more."

Kathryn giggled and lay down beside her, scooping her up in her arms.

"Then why don't we take a rest for now. After all, we still have the rest of our lifetimes together."

Erin turned to face her and looked her in the eyes. "We do, don't we?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll be able to occupy the time."

Erin smiled and nestled herself into a comfortable position in Kathryn's arms and wondered how she had ever managed to survive without her.

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